Meeting Baby

by Misty Many parents are anxious when introducing their older child to the newest addition of the family. Although you have been preparing your child for their new role as big brother/sister, many younger children do not grasp the understanding that a baby will be joining the household. Their first meeting with the baby, if handled correctly, can be a positive stepping stone from which to build a healthy relationship between siblings.

• Consider the appropriateness of having your child at the birth. Some children enjoy participating in the birth, while others become upset at the sights/sounds/smells. Never force a child to stay at the birth if they are not comfortable, and have a trusted family member around to babysit.

• If your child has not attended the birth, have your partner prepare them well for what they will see. Explain that Mommy will be in bed, resting, and that a new baby will be with her.

• If you are planning a hospital birth, consider bringing your child in to see the hospital before the birth, so that they are familiar with the space.

• Have your child participate in picking out a special gift for the baby, and have a gift ready (from the baby) that is to be given to the older sibling. Handmade gifts are always special.

• When your older child is about to enter the room, put your newborn on the bed, in a neutral position. That way, everyone “meets” the new baby together, without Mommy cuddling or breastfeeding the baby when the older sibling walks in.

• If your older child has no interest in meeting the baby, don’t force the issue. He/she will become interested in the baby at some point, and will begin to ask questions.

Remember that patience and understanding are key. If your older child becomes upset, consider handing the baby off for a few minutes and cuddling with your child. Explain that you will need to do a lot of caring for the baby in the next little while, but that big brother/sister will have very important jobs to do to assist mommy. Kids like to feel important, and giving them small jobs to do is a great way to integrate them into baby care. Enjoy your “new” family, and remember that this stage of adjustment will only last a little while!

Misty Pratt is a doula in Ottawa, and supports families through birth and postpartum. You can find out more about doula services here (www.chickadeechildbirth.com).  In her spare time, Misty blogs at The Chickadee Tweet (www.thechickadeetweet.blogspot.com)

Flashback post: Teacher gifts 101

Tis the season again to start planning for teacher gifts.  Here is a great post Angela wrote last year! by Angela

“Christmas gift suggestions: To your enemy, forgiveness. To an opponent, tolerance. To a friend, your heart. To a customer, service. To all, charity. To every child, a good example. To yourself, respect.” - Oren Arnold

To a teacher…a mug?

What to give the person who shapes your child’s life daily? Or, as it is more common, the “people”, as it is rarely one educator these days who cares for our children day in and day out.

What is appropriate? What is too much? Too personal? Too cliched? What if you don’t like your kid’s teacher? What if you just don’t have the money this holiday to gift the teachers you want to?

Who knew Christmas time gift giving at the school was rife with so many questions…

There are no rules about “having” to give your child’s teacher a gift at Christmas ( or any other time of the year). Teachers do not expect gifts…but we as parents often feel a great responsibility in recognizing their service with a yuletide gift. I have been giving teacher gifts for 11 years now. My oldest is in grade 10 and I admit to having been swept up in the gift-a-thon that can become the tissue strewn school hallways that last day of class before Christmas break.

Over the years, I have become more relaxed in my gift giving habits. And this is a good thing. Lessons learned from over doing. I have my teacher gift giving down pat now. No more last minute rush to Winners, overspending in panic and guilt .

But I wondered…is what I choose to give every year the right thing? Is it appreciated or unnecessary? The holidays are expensive…no one wants to give a gift that is not wanted. But even more importantly, I want to give gifts that really say “thank you”. Being blessed with a large circle of friends who are teachers (even a few who have survived my kids) , I decided…who better to ask?

Skip the potential teacher gift fails and listen to the people who know!

So, teachers from Alaska to Long Sault, Ottawa to San Diego were all polled this week in a search for the perfect teacher’s gift.

To be honest…I was a little surprised by how absolutely similar their responses were, across the land. Teachers love interesting books and wine but mostly?  Little things made by the students they love. Pretty straight forward.

The big surprise? They’re not such big fans of home made food. Now, I think this would depend on your familiarity with the teacher…but several mentioned a bit of an aversion to home baked food gifts.

Except chocolate, of course.

According to my completely unscientific survey…a most definitive “yes please” was given to the following gift ideas, from my posse of educators: -something handmade *by the child* -handmade cards ( no gift ) -a book you *know* they would enjoy ( about a shared interest, not random) -unique book related gifts – bookmarks! Handmade? Even better:) -gift cards were appreciated for coffee and…books:) -wine (if permitted)

What teachers wish you would not buy… -pencils, pens, stationary -homemade food -those super cheesy #1 teacher things (ornaments, mugs, pads of paper)

Overwhelmingly, something heartfelt and handmade by the child topped all their lists…even more than wine. Hard to believe, I know.

It seems almost too easy. And a reprieve from the thought of braving the dollar store with your child/children, allowing them to purchase with their own money, some chatchke that will likely just end up in a corner of a desk…when something crafted by their hands would sincerely warm their teacher’s heart.

So, where to find these heartfelt, handmade ideas?

Time for an admission…I am not a crafty mama…the thought of making versus purchasing makes me a little antsy…so I took the time to explore some ideas for homemade, teacher loving, child manageable, parent tolerable ideas that will leave everyone feeling warm and fuzzy:)

Here are my three favourite ideas to get you started…for you non naturally crafty types;) (and those crafty ones among us, please share and post your best successes in the comments)

For little hands – Frames decorated with buttons, stickers or flowers (sorry…you didn’t escape the dollar store after all…). Easy for your preschool or kindergarten child to glue and fill with a hand drawn picture ( that can be switched out for a photo later).

For your middle elementary school child – NoSew Pillows. We received one from a babysitter once with my daughter’s initial on one corner. It was adorable. With some fleece, a pair of scissors and some batting, you have a charming gift that can be personalized with an initial or beads or a iron on patch if desired.The easiest directions I  found are here.

NoSew Scarves are another fab option, easy and funkifiable – and good for a male teacher! (These were my two favourite guides)

For your high school kid…just kidding. Apparently secondary school teachers are just plain out of luck. No gifts for you according to real life educators everywhere.

Another option for Christmas gifting at the school, if you are looking at having to buy gifts for several teachers for several kids plus the school secretary (who is so good to you when your kid forgets her pizza money and covers for her out of her own pocket for the third time this year), is to provide a gift for the staff room or front office.

My daughter has two homeroom teachers, a music teacher, a science teacher and a drama teacher…it can get expensive quickly. Staff gifts are thoughtful and share the Christmas joy:). A gift of coffee and flavoured creamers for the school coffee maker, or a Timmies gift card for the front office are lovely ways of saying thank you. A FarmBoy fruit plate on the last day of school has also been a big hit in our school – healthy and refreshing and not much over 20$ for the whole staff. Or a gift basket, filled with candies ( may I suggest local Ottawa giftbasketeer www.shophaven.ca ?). I know it is more food…but who can resist candy?

My other favourite Christmas thank you speaks to the love of books that all the teachers mentioned. Bring your child to the bookstore ( the clearance section offers up some of the best deals )  and let them choose a book for their classroom, in the name of their teacher. If appropriate, have them write a Merry Christmas 2010 message inside the cover so the gift can be shared over the years in the classroom. Perhaps for younger siblings to enjoy later on!

After all this polling and Christmas present rethinking, I have decided to change my gift giving habits…

This year my little guy is going to be giving frames decorated with flowers, glued on by him. And likely to him…but that will be part of the fun:).

My daughter will be giving scarves to her teachers, designed and made by her. Likely with some bling or at the very least, a little monogramming.

I hope they do not miss the wine .

Angela is mom to a teen, tween and toddler, wife of an intrepid businessman, master of two big dogs and she loves her camera-baby very much. She is a displaced montrealer living in Long Sault, Ontario. She blogs at From the Dock.

Surviving Surgery

by Amanda Frightening words that no parent wants to hear:  “Your child needs surgery.”  The immediate thought afterwards is “What if he/she doesn't wake up?”  To put the life of your child in another person's, a veritable stranger's, hands is an emotional mountain to overcome.

My son had eye surgery this past September at CHEO.  They have an amazing Day Surgery Unit team.  The hospital staff are what make the difference in providing that reassurance to the parents and to help them cope.  They are extremely organized and experienced.  Along the way they offer several opportunities for you to ask questions.

Word of advice:  write your questions down.  When you are under pressure or experiencing anxiety, you may forget something that is important to you.  There is always a preoperative appointment with the surgeon, you meet with the nurse the day of to take vital signs, they are a good source of information and reassurance.  There is a nurse who explains directly to the child using pictures and dolls exactly what will happen leading up to the surgery.  This piece is the most valuable for my son; he was included in every step. The staff at the hospital made the effort to speak directly to him, call him by name, and make every effort to make him comfortable with the whole process.   The doctors are an important piece of the equation.  They talk fast, but when were heading to the operating room, they introduced themselves, their specialty and the role they would play during the surgery.  They spoke to my son, asked him if he had any questions and answered him in a way he could understand.  In my son's case he had two anaesthesiologists in the room as well as his opthalmologist who would be performing the surgery.  He wouldn't walk with me to the operating room.  He wanted to walk with the doctors because they had blue pyjamas on, just like him.  Way to break a mother's heart!  Post surgery, there are two nurses in attendance in the recovery room to monitor his vital signs and make sure things go as they should after surgery.

I was not feeling nervous until the day of the surgery.  And then I didn't sleep, worried about whether or not he would wake up from anaesthesia.  The fear of the unknown is the worst kind.  I know, in theory, how things work and that this is a very common surgery that is done routinely.  This brought no comfort to me on that day.  Coping with the feelings and anxiety is half the battle.  It is very natural to want to avoid putting your child in that situation, but in the end the risks really are very small if your child is healthy and the surgery is relatively minor. My best advice to any parent is to not go it alone.  My husband was with me the majority of the time, he did have to leave to go to work while he was still in the operating room, but I still had his support, and he had mine.  Bring your spouse, partner, co-parent, a friend or family member.  Typically, you are only allowed two adults present the day of the surgery, no siblings.

Forty-five minutes when your child is under the knife, is an eternity.  Your eyes can hardly leave the clock.  Your mind tries to push it to go faster which is irrational but an uncontrollable reflex.  I was in the waiting room for ten minutes by myself when the surgeon appeared, stated the surgery went as planned, my son did extremely well, and he was sleeping it off in recovery.  I have never felt such relief, it flooded every part of me and I would have fallen if I had not been sitting down.

As for my son, he had it easy.  He slept through the whole thing, and as soon as he woke up there were offerings of juice and popsicles (he ate two!), and a movie to watch.  They called me as soon as he was awake, so for him, it was like I never left his side.  He even realized that daddy was missing and asked where he was.  He spent an hour under observation in the Day Surgery Unit and then were were able to go home.  Children are resilient.  I believe they cope better than we adults do.  Ignorance can be bliss, and it's better that way for a child.  I would rather suffer the trauma than him.

*****

Amanda was born and raised in Ottawa where she continues to live with her husband and son "J". Amanda is bilingual and interests include reading, blogging, socializing, and advocacy on children and teen issues.

Oh the Lessons They'll Learn

by Frank

It's that time of year again. As home-parents are falling back into their no-kids-during-the-day routines, the kids are back at school. Summer memories slowly being shoved out of the way to make room for science, math, geography and verbs. And that's just what they'll be tackling in school "A". It's the stuff they learn in school "B" that'll make or break them." What's school "B"?" you ask. We've all been to school "B". It's where you learn the big subjects; Courage,betrayal,friendship,fear,despair...and the list goes on. School "B" is known by many names, but for us today, we'll call it the School Yard.

Think about that for a second. What lesson from your childhood do you still carry with you and use on a daily basis? Is it the long devision, what Zr is on the periodic table of elements, what the capital of Botswana is? Or, is how to deal with someone pushing you around, playing fair with others or dealing with a broken heart more inline with what we do daily? The lessons we learn in the school yard are huge and they're the situations that we will continuously deal with for the rest of our lives. Wether you're in the school yard or at the office, dealing with a bully or knowing how to console someone when they're hurt are pretty handy skills to have.

The problem is it's not being talked about enough. Kids will go out to recess and experience stuff that they will remember for the rest of their lives. I can remember vividly a dodgeball game in the second grade (over 30 years ago) when I was the last man standing on my team facing 8 opponents. I was sure to lose. A crowd had gathered to watch me be destroyed. So when I picked-off the last one, everyone cheered and my team rushed me to pat me on the back. Pure awesomeness. Of course I also remember being so ashamed at being picked last for a game that I started to quietly cry and slinked away un-noticed. Not so awesome. These emotions can be tricky to handle as adults much less as children. What I would like to see is an hour, every day, of in-class time dedicated to talking about social situations. You might say that's a bit much, but I don't think so. I know the guy who cut accross four lanes of traffic this morning just to get a coffee could have used some lessons on playing nice with others or a quick lesson on not being such a (fill in your own expletive here). If it isn't being talked about at school, then it's us parents who need to pick up the slack, because the lessons learned in the school yard are the ones that matter most. I don't care how smart Billy is. If he gets to the school yard and kicks around kids smaller than him or if he spends the whole time sitting alone, wishing he were someone else...knowing what the chemical structure of water looks like isn't worth too much.

Need some ideas or a place to start? Check out this handy site on bullying: www.bullyingcanada.ca

Kids need to learn how to deal with everyday situations and emotions. These lessons are the ones we build on and shape who we will be as adults. Play nice with others? That's a good lesson. I use that one every day. It's been 21 years since I've used a long devision. I'm just saying.

So, which life lessons did you learn in the school yard?

Frank Burelle is a Husband, Father, Cartoonist and Photographer from Cornwall Ontario. www.frankburelle.ca twitter@frankburelle

How safe is your car seat?

In the Spring my husband was in a collision with two of our kids. I had no idea that car seats that didn't seem damaged in a collision needed to be replaced, especially not the one that sat empty. Rae gave me some great advice and I asked her to share some car seat safety tips with us here. Thanks Rae! ~Lara by Rae

You know, I've worked in the baby industry for almost a decade, though babies have always made my brain go a little silly and squishy.

I became a car seat technician in 2004 - more about that later. Let's go back to 2002:  We were 20, in university and didn't have a car. We were really mad that you had to leave the hospital via car with a car seat! We had no local family, and just took the bus everywhere.  Thus it became that we had a car seat for L (a bucket seat) that we used for other people's cars.  I had read the manual, but I was never quite sure I was doing it right.

When we got our first car, L was 14 months old. We got a new seat for the new car as she was forward facing (according to the 2002 standard). It was an all black Alpha Omega 3 in 1. It was the best bang for our buck.  I stored the bucket seat in the basement because I knew that we wanted a second baby.

Because having a car seat is mandated by law, I thought for sure there would be a place to have our installation checked.  At that time, the city of Ottawa ran inspections by appointment with a couple of firehalls. The list was always months long. I called A channel and complained loudly.

Sandra Blakie came to see us and did a lovely story. Alas less than 6 months later the city stopped doing it. I have heard many a tale of fire fighters that still do it, though their certifications are long out of date.

I was friends in University with the now Executive Director of Seats for Kids. We talked at length about my complaints and she convinced me to become a technician with her group.  I didn't even know such a position existed, but wanted to learn more! The night after my course, I went home and fixed my car seat.

Since then I have become an instructor in my own right, and now teach other people what I know.

I could tell you a lot of funny or horrible things I've seen since 2003, but instead I'll tell you the most important things you NEED to know about car seats:

1. The best car seat on the market is the one that fits your child and your car appropriately, and that you can use correctly.  What fit in your sisters 2002 car, may not fit in your 2003, or your respective children!

2. Snug is safe! Your car seat should not move more than an inch side to side at the belt path. Don't just jiggle the seat. Try to push or pull it firmly side to side to check.  Your child should also be snug.  This means no bulky coats, bunting bags or swaddling between them and the harness. Dress your child comfortably, buckle the harness and then put blankets or their coat over them.  You want the harness to always be one finger tight at the collar bone, and for the chest clip to be level with the armpits!

3. Projectiles. Look around your car. In a collision what is going to fly around? Everything. Purse, coffee cup, snow brush, lap dog (get a harness for your friend! Seat belts save!), toys, and everything else that isn't secured is going to hit things and people. Keep it in the trunk/get a cargo cover/minimize what you keep in the car!

4. Used Car Seats: please don't buy or use a car seat you are not intimately familiar with the history of even if there is a yellow sheet with a legal blurb and a signature saying it's fine or even if it came from your sister's husbands aunt. You can never guarantee it hasn't been dropped, or in a collision. It's also possible the seat could be expired or have a public notice.

5. Car seats are single user and single collision item. If there is damage to your vehicle you need a new car seat. If you drop a seat from 3' you need a new one - that's a collision. Your insurance will likely cover car seats. Confirm with your broker! If you settle outside of insurance, ask that the seat(s) be replaced.

6. Last but not least. Car seats are for cars and babies are for arms. Car seats have evolved, but they still keep newborns at 40-45 degrees so that they can both breathe and sleep in cars.  45 degrees for long periods is hard on little bodies and studies are starting to show flat head syndrome and SIDS on the rise as we carry our babies more in car seats than caresses. Use a sling, snuggly, Bjorn, wrap, whatever - just leave the car seat in the car!

I bet most that read this are checking their car seats shortly after. If you are not sure about your install or the age of your seat, Ottawa has some great resources:

Seats for Kids (SeatsforKidscanada.com) - a not for-profit, volunteer group that hosts 1-2 clinic per month. They ask for a donation of $20 for paper printing and water costs. Their clinics fill very quickly. They also teach courses once a month!

Ottawa public health runs a phone line and can help you find resources for a car seat if you need financial help. The city of Ottawa no longer offers inspection services in any form.

And then there's me! I'm kind of a Jill of all trades. When I left the insurance world in 2010 I decided to throw all the skills I had on to the table and start Chartreuse Industries.  To promote our Car Seat Inspection services, I'll be giving away 5 free inspections* valued at $30 each. Leave a comment to qualify. Extra entries for following @chartreuseindus on Twitter or liking their Facebook page.  Contest closes Wednesday October 12 at 5 pm.

85-90% of people have their seat installed or use it incorrectly. I hope we can correct yours!

*the fine print:

All winners must have their seat inspection performed by appointment at the Chartreuse Offices (Fisher/Meadowlands). One seat inspection per family. Additional seats will be charged at regular $30 rate.