Eating on the cheap when food prices soar

Many families have noticed the rising food prices in our monthly food bills. A combination of factors - climate change and the Canadian dollar being two biggies - have led to slight hysteria over $8 cauliflower (and those who are vegan, or cooking for family members with severe allergies, I totally get why the price of cauliflower is upsetting!)

We've managed to keep our food bills relatively low ($100 per week for a family of four) by using a few strategies that I've been using long before prices went soaring:

1) Grow your own food

If this sounds complicated to you, it's probably because you're making it complicated. Of course you can spend hours and hours tending to a veggie garden (as we do,) but if that seems daunting, why not start small? Choose several veggies you eat regularly, and grow those - don't even bother with seeds, and just get the seedlings from your local nursery. Throw them in the ground, don't forget the water, and then harvest! Choose veggies that are not prone to pests and require little care - kale is a great veggie to start with. Don't forget to freeze half your harvest for that summer taste in the wintertime.

2) Buy local

Go back 100 years and take a look at what cold Canadians were living on in the winter. All those easy-to-store veggies like potatoes, carrots, squash, onions and cabbage are cheap and so versatile. Of course you will miss cucumbers, but just think of how excited you will be when the first local cucumber makes an appearance in the grocery store!

3) Sacrifice variety, not taste

I hate to break it to you, but this is only going to get worse. Climate change will wreak havoc on our food systems. Eventually, buying food from other countries will be a thing of the past (except for those few millionaires or billionaires who will be able to afford to do it.) So why not take baby steps right now to get used to this future reality? And don't despair - just because you don't have a variety of fruits/veggies doesn't mean you give up great-tasting food. Learn to cook vegetables a different way, or play around with spices. Avoid buying berries from Mexico, and enjoy the frozen berries from Ontario in a smoothie. Spring and summer will come again, I promise you!

4) Budget, budget, budget 

Gourmet crackers and hand-squeezed orange juice always get me!! I'm a weakling when it comes to great, handcrafted food, but I tend to resist when I know I'm on a budget. My family has had great success with this cash budget, and it's what keeps our grocery bill under control.

5) Make your own

I hesitated to add this tip, because honestly, I've stopped making many things at home (other than dinner, of course!) My full-time job just doesn't allow me the time, and on weekends when I used to do "batch cooking," I'm now running off to teach prenatal classes or take my kids to skiing and swimming lessons. That said, I can find time at least once a month to throw on a couple dozen muffins or whip up a big soup. But I'll admit, I still reach for the packaged goods when it comes to crackers and bread. We wait for sales, and use the Flipp app to price match when possible.

I realize for some, $100/week in groceries is still very high. I know several families living on $50/week, and I do aim to reduce our bill further. More time to cook things from scratch would be wonderful, but I'm working with what I've got right now - and I suspect many of you are too! 

What does your monthly food bill look like? 

Child misbehaviour and parent bashing: The case of the exhausted parent

by Angèle Alain

There has been many, many articles circulating online lately about how this generation of school aged children is the worst there has even been; that the parents of those children (I am in this category, as my child is twelve) are failing at parenting for a million different reasons, generally revolving around lenience, electronics and lack of time.

As a teacher, being around some groups of kids can be a challenge, but I wouldn’t say that all children have parents who are failing. In fact, the majority of students are polite, helpful, hard working and pleasant. But even those students can be uprooted by an off kilter group dynamic; you can see it clearly in the classroom when one child eggs on another, and then it snowballs from there. 

I find it shocking to meet the parents of those disruptive children, because I have preconceived notions of what they will be like (e.g. the lazy coddlers we keep hearing about in those articles) We have a tendency to judge other parents - maybe it’s because we are all performing the "fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants parenting" and feel inadequate most of the time. We unintentionally try to lift ourselves up by bringing other parents down. But the parents of the disruptive child are usually regular, every day, trying-as-hard-as-they-can parents. They are our friends, our family, our neighbours and our coworkers.

So why does it seem like we struggle at raising our children?

I think a big part of it is time and energy. Society dictates the speed at which we live. We are expected to leave for work at eight in the morning and not come back before six in the evening; we bring work home; we barely get three weeks of holidays a year; and we over-book our evenings and weekends with extracurricular activities. Of course, if we do this because we love our job or love those activities, it’s all good.

But for many of us, is it really what we want? I hear so many people I know talking about working four days a week, taking unpaid leave, or cutting back on activities. Yet they struggle with the decision. Money, pensions and oddly, judgement from others, are often the reasons for not making the change.

After taking the leap myself, I always have comebacks:

My salary will go down: You will hardly notice up to a 20% reduction.

It will affect my pension: You might not even live to get to retire (it's true, and I know from experience. Sadly, my friend who use to talk about "fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants" motherhood died at 40 of heart failure)

People will judge: Will people judge or are you judging yourself based on a definition of success you've created?

My kid deserves these activities: Of course they do, but do they need to do three different ones in the same semester?

Unfortunately, I had to learn all of this the hard way. At age thirty-five, I was diagnosed with cancer. My child was five years old. When I went back to work after a year of surgeries and chemotherapy, I could no longer keep up with life’s speed. I burned out after a year, went back to school part time and quit my job two years later. Now I work three days a week at most. My salary is smaller, my pension was affected and maybe people did judge. Yet, it was the best decision of my life.

Cancer isn’t a gift, it’s a disease. But it was also a great teacher. It taught me all I needed to know about this one life I get, and how slow I want it to go by.

Back to our children’s behaviour

My sense is that many of us are simply exhausted; too exhausted to stick to what we know we should do as parents. When our kids act out at night, when they want this or refuse to do that (another hour on the computer; not doing that chore or going outside; refusing to eat their meal or go to bed) we are too tired to fight them on it. We pick the battles we feel we can win or that we feel are worth fighting: “I know it’s better for you to go play outside than watch more videos, but you are not cooperating and I can’t deal with a scene”. Let’s face it, it’s so much easier to give in than to hold our own with them, isn’t it? My twelve-year-old daughter, a very nice kid on most days, is a four-feet-eleven grouch when it comes to emptying the dishwasher. This is what it sounds like EVERY DAY in my house:

“I hate it, you do it!”

“I hate it too. I hate cleaning your clothes, and doing the dishes, and vacuuming. If you don’t do it, guess who will have to.” (a little guilt, I admit)

“Then daddy should do it.”

“Daddy fed us. It’s our job to clean up. You empty the dishwasher and I fill it and do the manual dishes. We are a family; we have family responsibilities.”

“I’ll do other chores then.”

“No, this is the one I need your help with”.

Grumbles, grunts, sighs and more grumbles. 

You are probably feeling tired just reading this. It would be so much easier for me to get up and do it myself. And I’m usually pretty good at persisting! Luckily, when I do cave, my husband holds tight and reminds me that she needs to learn. Thank god for that.

So if I feel this struggle every day, despite slowing down my life, I can only imagine what other parents are going through. It takes a village to raise a child and many members of this parent generation feel alone. Those parent-bashing article would be so much more useful if they could act as our village and offer help instead of casting blame, wouldn’t they? 

So here's my way of lending a hand to you - take a moment and consider how you might change the way you view success. How could you slow down on this highway of life long enough to get a little rest, find some energy, and stick to your guns when it comes to your children’s behaviour? Ultimately, we all know what we need to do, but on most days, we’re just trying to keep our heads above water. Here's your permission to stop treading water, and swim over to shore.

And remember - we may not be doing everything right, but we are getting a lot right.

Tips for supporting a child with a needle phobia

Taking your baby to get their vaccinations is a simple process. You stick them in the car seat, drive to the doctor's office, and hold them close while they get jabbed. A few tears may fall (theirs and yours), but ultimately, it's a straightforward process.

Then your baby grows up.

Suddenly they're 4 and need their booster shots. And if you live in Ontario and happen to forget those shots (or neglect to update Public Health), your child could be suspended from school.

Most kids make a fuss about vaccinations - who can blame them? It's certainly counterintuitive to sit still while someone wants to jab you with a sharp object. But there are strategies that can help to reduce a child's anxiety, and the nurse will complete the deed without too much fuss.

Unless you have a child with a real phobia of needles. 

Signs your child may have a needle phobia

• They refuse to talk about needles, and get very anxious when you try to bring up the subject. Reading cute kids books about getting your shots doesn't help the situation.
• When you attempt to take them to the doctor, they cry all the way to the office, and don't let up
• Candy bribes do not work
• When the nurse comes into the examination room with the needle, the child goes ballistic, kicking and screaming
• Eventually, the nurse gives up and says it's too dangerous to try to administer the shots

OK, I don't think this is the official DSM diagnosis for needle phobia, but it's the general experience we've had these past two years with my oldest daughter. We have made, in total, FIVE attempts to get her 4-6 year booster shots. Yes, you read that right. FIVE. And each of the first four times ended in frustration and tears for all those involved (except the nurses...they just seemed incredulous.)

Then.....this past week. We, finally, thankfully, blessedly, had the shots administered.

I wanted to share some of our experience on the blog to help other parents who might be going through a similar situation. You know your child is scared - but they're scared beyond what might be considered "normal." 

1) Make sure you have a good family doctor

When we were young and single, my husband and I signed up with an academic family health team. These practices are GREAT for most people - you are participating in a resident's education, you have access to a whole range of services, and you can get last-minute appointments. But then you have kids, and suddenly the whole process of being "practiced on" by new doctors is tiresome. The appointments take forever (because the resident needs to check back with the supervising doctor), and you end up seeing a different resident every time you make an appointment. Our daughter's fear was most likely exacerbated by unfamiliar faces and long wait times. So we found a new doctor! She's young and very friendly, and their offices are SUPER efficient. 

2) Use the #itdoesnthavetohurt "trifecta"

I learned about these 3 handy tips from Erica Ehm's Yummy Mummy Club, and they really changed our game plan. The first is something called an "emla patch" - it freezes the skin and makes the needle less painful (this is great for children who express fear of the pain and not necessarily fear of the actual needle.) You can get these handy patches over-the-counter at your local pharmacy. It cost me $12 for two patches.

Second, you use distraction. I love the idea of blowing bubbles, because it gets kids to breathe deeply, which we all need to do when we're anxious. We just ended up using the iPad and she got to watch her favourite show while she waited, and even during the administration.

Third, remain calm. It seems so simple, yet I could feel myself getting super anxious and tense during previous appointments with my daughter. I know she was probably feeding off of that anxiety. I was embarrassed, because I knew the nurses were frustrated and the whole office could hear the kerfuffle. But really, who cares what people think? Use your own mindfulness techniques to stay in the moment and breathe deeply.

3) Use a different adult

Kids often make more of a fuss when they're with mom or dad. Of course you want to be there for your child when they're afraid, but if they have another trusted adult in their life (e.g. Grandma) who is comfortable taking them, see if that might do the trick.

4) Don't give up

Children change constantly. What was a fear at age 4 may not be a fear at age 6. I do think this needle phobia will continue for my daughter (just because her reaction has been so severe,) but children with milder fears may forget as they grow older.

I'm so happy we are done with this round of vaccinations, and I pray that my daughter will never have health issues that require a lot of needles. But I know if that happens, I will have a lot of tips and experience to fall back on.

Do you have a child with a needle phobia (or maybe you have one yourself?) Leave a comment and tell us how you've overcome it!

*this article was in no way sponsored or endorsed by the #itodoesnthavetohurt campaign. All opinions in this piece are my own, and I'm not a medical professional. Please visit The Centre for Pediatric Pain Research to learn more

Cottage Cheese: Yea or Nay?

When I was a teen I babysat for a family across the street who had four children, all under the age of five. Can you imagine feeding that many kids? (ok, maybe you can if you have four kids!!) One of their favourite foods was cottage cheese - affordable, simple and packed with protein, the kids would gobble it up alongside their perogies and vegetables.

Me? I would shudder. 

I never liked the texture of cottage cheese. I always found it a bit slimy and lumpy. But when I hit my twenties and started to eat a healthier diet, I realized that cottage cheese was a great post-workout snack. It's packed with protein and added salt, which is great for those depleted electrolytes.

My kids don't agree - they won't touch cottage cheese when I try to sneak it onto their plates. The texture is definitely hard to get used to!

Gay Lea just launched a new smooth cottage cheese, and we recently got a chance to do a taste test! I was curious to see how this would go over in our house. Check out my daugthers' reactions:

This new product comes in three flavours: Vanilla Bean, Salted Caramel and Lemon. My family gave all of them a taste, and our favourite was the caramel. The texture is totally smooth, and the taste compares to greek yogurt - slightly tangy. And unlike regular cottage cheese, the smooth treat is sweet instead of salty.

My husband and I agree that one big plus for this product is that it contains 25% more protein than leading Greek yogurts (10g!) Our kids love their fruits and veggies, but tend to shun protein of any kind - so using these as snacks will make me feel better about my kids' daily protein intake.

Is there anything I didn't like about the product? I did worry a bit about the sugar content - 12g per container. But the snack is so filling that we only ate half of a container before wrapping it up and putting it back in the fridge. And as my husband pointed out, milk already has naturally occurring sugars, so the 12g are not all added. The product certainly doesn't taste like it has a ton of sugar either - more tangy than sweet.

In all, this new product was a win for our family, and I'll definitely be going out and buying more. Right now Smooth Cottage Cheese is only available in stores across Ontario - check in with your local grocer to see if they carry it!

Are you a cottage cheese lover or hater? Would you try this product?

Disclosure: I am part of the Gay Lea Nordica Smooth Cottage Cheese Campaign and I receive special perks as part of my affiliation with this group. The opinions on this blog are my own.

Kids and chores: what should they do and when should they start

by Lara

The longer I've been doing this parenting thing the more I realize that I still have so much to learn, and I need to lean on my fellow parents for advice and ideas. My kids are now 9 and 6 and while we've been pretty good at getting them to be independent (with certain things,) we haven't been great in other areas - such as housework. As a result, I decided to poll the Kids in the Capital community to see what they get their kids to do and how that works for them.

What chores our kids do

To start, our kids have been responsible for putting their folded laundry away on their own since about the age of 5. They are also responsible for tidying their rooms, but they do a much better job with parental supervision.

They pack their own school snacks but we handle anything that's hot, and they unpack their lunch boxes themselves when they get home from school. My nine year old started learning to clean bathrooms this past year and he is also a fan of vacuuming; but neither of those things is set on a regular chore rotation. They also set the table and load the dishwasher.

What do your kids do and what should they be doing?

I think what kids should be doing will change based on your family dynamic. In our house, the more that everyone chips in, the happier we all are. Unfortunately, we haven't been consistent enough about certain things and so there are a lot of battles. Lunches and setting the table go off without much of a hitch but there are fights putting away clothes and tidying their rooms. When these things aren't done, they lose privileges.

I have seen a lot of different charts over the years on appropriate chores for different ages and this is a good one.

Here are a few of the answers our community shared with us about how things work in their houses:

• The kids set the table and help empty the dishwasher. They're responsible for their school stuff and putting away their coats. My 10 year old does her laundry (I still fold) and will vacuum when asked. She gets $10 a month in allowance.
   
• My tween's daily and planned chores are walking the big dog, emptying the dishwasher, dealing with her school bag (mittens on heater, lunch bag emptied, etc) and dealing with cat litter box. She's also expected to do what I ask: pick up clothes from floor, tiny room, get her own glass of whatever, help father with dinner, etc. She gets an allowance of 5$ a week, but it isn't dependent on chores because I felt she needs to know that chores are just a part of life. I still make her lunch and do her laundry because I like doing that for her.

• My kids started young - I always find toddlers are really keen to do chores. We would have them do the easy stuff - emptying the (non-sharp) dishes from the dishwasher, dusting, and wiping baseboards. The "tidy up" song still helps my three year-old get in the mood to pick up toys. Now my oldest is doing harder chores, like cleaning part of the bathroom and even washing dishes. We also make tidying up a priority right before bedtime. We ALL pitch in and just get it done...because to be honest, I'm also leaving crap around the house too :)

• We approach it from the perspective that our family is like a team and everyone must contribute to help things run smoothly and to allow for down time/play for kids and grown ups. I think that in general we can be tempted to underestimate what our kids are capable of doing - perhaps because we want things done our way or because we're in a hurry. That's certainly been something I've caught myself doing and I try hard to let that go.

  Specifically, the nine year old is responsible for making his lunch, setting and clearing the dinner table, bringing his laundry to the laundry room, getting his breakfast and his brother's, and feeding the pets. 

  The four year old is responsible for putting his dirty dishes in the sink or dishwasher, putting toys and books away, getting himself dressed every day (and changing himself when he has an accident), helping with baking (he loves to stir and wear the cooking mittens (oven mitts) and keeping us all entertained in the process. :)

  Other chores can be assigned as a consequence for poor behaviour or chosen as a way to make up for poor behaviour. If the kids want to earn money for something, they can choose to do other chores too.

The consensus seems to be that your kids should be doing something, and it can start at a really young age.

Should there be rewards for chores?

Some parents offer allowance in exchange for chores, others give allowance independent of chores, and some didn't comment on money. 

If you want to offer an allowance, try this idea: offer a weekly allowance that is independent of chores. Have a "base" number of chores your child does, but also create a chart that lists "extras." If your child independently decides to do an "extra" chore, he will be rewarded an extra $1 (or however much you have allocated to that particular chore.)

Whatever strategy you choose, most parenting experts will agree that tying rewards/money to ALL chores will not help your child develop the motivation to do them. After all, we don't get paid for chores as adults, do we?

Want consistency? Be consistent!

Seems easy enough, right? Children are little routine-machines. They thrive on consistent schedules, consistent guidance, and consistent feedback. Which sucks for those of us adults who don't identify with being consistent!

So if YOU have trouble being consistent, try these tips:

• set alerts on your phone as reminders. I find bedtime chaotic, but if my phone dings me at 7pm, I know it's time to put on a bit of music, gather the whole family and do the "tidy up" song (if they're older, they might just enjoy listening to music.)
• Make a chore chart. If you're a visual learner, it might best to have a large chart on your wall, with everyone's duties. A friend of mine has four children, and her chart is super simple - a regular sheet of paper stuck on the fridge with a magnet. It allocates some of the major tasks to each child on different days of the week.
• Make chores fun. Put on some great tunes to get everyone working a bit harder. 
• Break it down. Don't look at the hurricane that struck your kitchen and then hide in the basement. Start with one small part of the kitchen, and then move to the next. Jobs are much easier when we break them into manageable pieces.

What do chores look like at your house? How are your kids pitching in?