Why I won't buy my kids Bear Paws

There's a familiar conversation that happens in our household, every time we bring the kids to the grocery store.

Kids: "Mommy, can we buy these {insert packaged food item}? ALL the kids at school have them, and I REALLY WANT THEM!!!"

Me: "What are these things?" I ask, and pick up the box. "$2.99 for this box of crap!! You've got to be kidding me...we could make these {insert processed food item} at home for pennies!"

Kids: "No Mommy, we don't want to MAKE these things...we want them out of the box!!"

Me: "Sorry kiddos, you will thank Mommy when you are older."

And honestly? They will totally thank me. They may groan and complain, but one day they'll be wheeling a cart through the grocery store with their own children, saying the exact same thing.

How do I know this? Case in point:

My own mother always purchased natural peanut butter from the local bulk food store. The kind man behind the counter would scoop up a big jug of peanuts, and we would watch (with little enthusiasm) as the diarrhea-like mush plopped into the container. At home, the PB would sit on the shelf, its oil rising to the top, so that whenever we went to spread it on our toast, it took superhuman strength to blend the oil back into the peanut rock at the bottom.

"Mom, seriously, when can we buy some of the REAL peanut butter that all the other kids eat?"

"This IS real peanut butter, honey" she would say. "That other crap is full of sugar!"

My mother also refused to buy Wonderbread (or any other "white" bread) and when she made KoolAid, she would cut the sugar in half. The first time I tasted KoolAid the way the package instructions dictate, I almost spit it out. It was really, really sweet.

My brother and I would dive into Kraft PB and white bread at other people's houses, complaining about our mother and her nutritional principles.

And here I am...25 years later, lecturing my kids about the evil packaged foods they think they need. It's comforting to know that no matter what you do, you WILL turn into your mother.

I'm not the nutritional police. My kids eat enough chocolate in a year for us to own a cocoa plantation, and while camping, I'll buy those mini cereal boxes that contain Froot Loops, Coco Puffs and Frosted Flakes. I do understand the convenience behind individually-packaged foods! To be honest, my main reasons behind avoiding packaged/processed foods is that a) I'm cheap; and b) I hate the environmental waste. And I really DO think homemade tastes better. Even homemade Bear Paws.

I'm also not naive enough to believe that this will last forever. Some day my kids will wear me down with their complaining, and I'll probably give in and buy the crap. Or they'll have their own money to buy it.

But for now, I have the upper hand, and all the dolla bills. Which I'd rather spend on a great bar of dark chocolate - that I'll hide in the fridge behind the homemade sauerkraut.

Giving the gift of a baby: Surrogacy in Canada

“How are you feeling?” I ask my friend Christine. She sits next to me in the cozy dining room of The Pantry Vegetarian Tea Room in the Glebe. Her large belly presses up against the table as she leans forward. 

“I’m doing great!” she says. “But I could do without the kidney stones!” 

It’s a conversation I could see myself having with any girlfriend expecting a baby - gossiping about the highs and lows of pregnancy while we devour some comfort food at a local restaurant.

But this isn’t just any girlfriend expecting a baby. With us is Heather Dunbar, the mother of the baby Christine is carrying. Or rather, Heather is the intended parent (IP), a term used in the surrogacy world. And so the conversation veers away from kidney stones and ligament pains, and dives right into the issue of surrogacy here in Canada.

As a Birth Doula and Childbirth Educator, I have watched the surrogacy “industry” from afar, marveling at the women who give up their bodies (and part of their lives) to give birth to another person’s baby. And sometimes I ask myself, could I do the same?  In the past I’ve done Google searches to try to learn more, but often get confused by the sparse information.

It was around the time I started to consider surrogacy that I met Christine Crook at a local Ottawa doula meeting. She had just recently gone through a surrogacy journey with a couple, which ended in disappointment after three attempts at IVF. Not put off by this experience, Christine continued to hold out hope that one day she would successfully give the gift of a baby to another couple.

How does surrogacy work here in Canada?

In 2004, the government passed the Assisted Human Reproduction Act, which made it illegal for any person or couple to pay a woman to carry her child. In other countries, women can be paid thousands of dollars to carry a surrogate baby. In Canada, surrogates can be reimbursed for expenses (e.g. travel related to treatments, maternity clothes etc.), and these expenses are clearly laid out in a legal contract between the IPs and surrogate.

“But finding a surrogate can be a difficult process,” Heather tells me. When Heather and her husband Craig learned that she would not be able to carry a baby, they began to consider surrogacy. They had seven embryos to work with already, and felt hopeful that they could find someone.

Heather first worked out the costs. There are several surrogacy agencies here in Canada, which charge couples $5,000 (or more) to sign up. Couples then get access to a registry of willing surrogates, who have been vetted by the organization. On top of the initial fee, couples are also responsible for lawyer’s fees and a wide range of expenses. When all is said and done, the total cost to go through an agency can be up to, or exceeding, $70,000. The cost varies depending on whether it is the surrogates first time or if she is experienced. Other costs can include hundreds of dollars in travel expenses, as there is no guarantee that the surrogate will be located in the same city - let alone the same province.

Costs aside, there’s the challenge of finding a suitable surrogate. And sadly, there are many more IPs out there then there are willing surrogates.

Finding the right match

“It took us less than 2 months to find Christine,” Heather tells me, with a sheepish look on her face. And no wonder. Some couples spend years searching for a surrogate, and others are never successful.

A chance encounter in an M&M’s Meat Shop led Heather to Christine, and they tell me about their first meeting like lovers describing a first date.

“I just knew she was the one” says Heather.

“We connected so well, and immediately we all felt really comfortable with each other” says Christine. 

Instead of going through an agency, Heather and Craig stumbled on their surrogate match by kismet. Many couples are now attempting to use word-of-mouth to find women who may be a willing, and suitable, match to carry a child. Some are reaching out on social media, in heartfelt campaigns that will ultimately guide them to their match.

Not your “typical” surrogate

And so one meeting led to the next, and Christine soon found herself at the Ottawa Fertility Centre to start the process. 

I was surprised to hear that surrogates need “permission” to carry a baby. Fertility centres have every right to deny treatment to IPs and surrogates, if they feel that the health and well-being of the surrogate is in some way compromised.

At age 43 and with two grown children at home, Christine is not a typical surrogacy candidate. Labeled as a patient with “advanced maternal age,” Christine has another point against her when she reveals that she is on anti-depressant medication.

“I’ve always been very open about my mental health issues,” says Christine. “I tried to find a couple to carry for through one of the Canadian surrogacy agencies, but no one would take me because they usually look for women who aren’t taking any medication.”

Heather and Craig Dunbar are no strangers to the medical world of tests, needles and medications. In 2014, Craig embarked on a social media campaign to find a kidney donor, after six years on dialysis. The couple were overjoyed when a donor (who happened to be a friend of Craig’s) was found, and Craig underwent his kidney transplant. After the dust had settled and Craig had recovered, the couple then decided to start a family. Due to fertility issues, Heather soon found out she was unable to carry a child.

“We weren’t overly concerned about the medication Christine was on, as we discussed it with the doctor ahead of time and felt completely comfortable with it," says Heather. We just felt so lucky to have found someone like Christine!"

And so Christine is poked and prodded, and submits to a full psychological evaluation. The surrogacy world can sometimes (although rarely) attract women who are troubled, and the doctor’s goal is to shed light on these issues as early as possible. Surrogates need to be of sound mind and judgment – IVF, pregnancy, and postpartum is not always a smooth journey.

Making a baby

Found to be in perfect health, Christine underwent the IVF process twice. The  first embryo did not “stick” (the lingo for an embryo that does not take to the uterus.) But the second?

“We’re told not to use a pregnancy test to confirm the results,” says Christine. “But everybody does anyway.”

And so on the morning of June 30th (two weeks after the transfer,) Christine peed on the stick. She did not look at the result window, and put the stick back into the box. Heather and Craig came over that evening and Christine handed the stick to them. It was their news to discover first - good or bad.The look on Heather's face told everyone!

Positive. This baby had stuck.

Christine and Heather were fortunate that they lived in such close proximity. Some surrogates are hundreds or thousands of miles away from the IPs. Heather was able to attend all the ultrasound and midwifery appointments with Christine.

Having a baby

It's evident in meeting with them that the relationship between Heather and Christine is a close one. They share a bond that is rarely shared between women in our society, and I can see the look of deep connection between them. This surrogacy journey is not a one-way street. They are both sharing in the joy of this gift of life, and they are both reaping the rewards.

This is never more evident than it is after you look at the gorgeous photographs taken by Kim Brooks of Breathe In Photography, who was there to document the birth (although story goes that she almost didn’t make it on time!)

On February 11th , 2016, baby Clara Ann came into this world. She was birthed in a tub by Christine, and welcomed into the arms of Heather, who jumped into the tub to catch her baby. My favourite picture is one where Christine holds Clara’s tiny fingers, creating a line of connection between her and Heather. Craig sits close to the tub, witnessing the ecstasy of his daughter’s birth – and the joy and stillness, which settles into the space after this tiny miracle baby takes her first breath.

The gift of life

I’m no closer to making a decision about surrogacy, and I trust in the universe to tell me whether it is the path for me. At 35, I think I have some time to decide. 

What I DO know is that my friend’s journey is something that needs to be shared. If there are other women out there who read this and feel that small tug….that small voice that says “could I do that?”…I want you to know that it is possible. 

And it’s more than just possible – it’s magnificent. 

Misty Pratt is the Community Manager for Kids in the Capital. For the past five years she has enjoyed a part-time career as a birth doula and childbirth educator with the Ottawa Childbirth Education Association. In her full-time life she is a mother, health researcher and budding yogi.

Parc Omega

When you have three kids spanning three age groups finding a family activity that does not inspire groans from at least one moody member is a huge coup...and we have found one.

Parc Omega

Located about an hour from Ottawa, and an hour and a half drive from my neck of the woods, Long Sault, Parc Omega is a little bit of wilderness in our back yard, minutes from quaint downtown Montebello. It is a terrific stop if you are on your way to Mont Tremblant.

The parc is comprised of 1500 acres, offering a 10 kilometer driving path through meadows, lakes, forests and rocky hills harboring a virtual pot pourri of exciting wildlife.

And I mean exciting. Especially if you happen to be in the possession of carrots.

Why? Because the wildlife that calls Parc Omega home loves their carrots.

What kind of wildlife? Wapiti, black bears, buffalo, red deer, white tail deer, caribou, beavers, the fallow, arctic wolves and timberwolves. And the boars. Oh, the little piggy boars!

With the exception of the wolves and the black bears, the collection of animals at Parc Omega roam free and plentiful, jauntily approaching your vehicles for food.

And this is where the multigenerational family bonding begins...all my children were initially equally terrified of the huge noses probing their way into the truck, sniffing out the food they knew must be in there somewhere.

The tour at Parc Omega starts at the front gate, with imposing statues that got the kids excited right away ( okay, maybe not the teenager).

The park is open year round, offering different adventures for every season, and there is seasonal pricing.  The hours vary as well, so check before heading out.

The first stop is at the "House of Park", a log cabin housing a snack bar  ( the teenager got excited about this...fries...yum ), a gift shop ( all the kids dug this;)) and a lower area where nature exhibitions are held. When we visited in February, there was a spectacular nature photography exhibition, with huge prints taken within the park. There were also arctic wolf pups playing and nestling up against the windows of the building, in a fenced in area where the parc often places it's most vulnerable members - babies and recovering animals. These little guys were a huge hit with children and adults alike.

The most important thing to note about this stop are the carrots.

Carrots make the drive through the park more fun and they are available by the bag at the gift shop cash. You can bring your own ( carrots are the preferred food for the animals as they are sweet and safe for them ), but the park carrots are nice and long making feeding very easy for your children. There are rules around who to feed and not feed, depending on the season, and all this is explained to you upon entering the park. We were not allowed to feed the buffalos...and one look at them lumbering up to and rubbing against the truck explained why. They are huge.

Once on the road, you will be greeted almost immediately by large caribou who anticipate your carrot sharing. The drive through the park is slow going, with most cars making the most of the feeding opportunities. You do have to be mindful of fingers and staying inside the vehicle, but in 10 years of visits we have never had a bitten finger.

You are able to tune your radio to FM 88.1 in English or FM 90.1 in French to listen to a good narrative about the park, it's history, philosophy and the animals found within it's boundary...which sometimes includes wildlife from outside the boundaries...

There are three walking paths available to visitors, and often you are able to visit with and feed deer along these protected trails. We were lucky enough to catch the opening weekend of the "cabane a sucre", and enjoyed taffy on a stick and a short walk in the brisk sunny weather. This is a new feature at the park and it was busy and popular the day we were there. The maple trees are tapped right there.

So, with all these possibilities, what did my kids enjoy the most? The teen enjoyed the fries, the tween loved feeding the deer and caribou ( after her initial "squeeeeeeee" moment ) and the baby loved pointing out all the boars. Of which there are many. Too many, lol, and not very bright...I was worried about hitting them a few times.

I loved the flying wild turkeys and my husband was thrilled with the fact that the cranky caribou did not leave a permanent hoof print on the truck when he kicked the door when cut off from his carrot fix.

All of us were thrilled to see the black bears out of hibernation THAT DAY, enjoying the sun. That was really exciting as they were very close to the fence.

The whole tour took us an hour and a bit, and you are allowed to go around as many times as you wish. Many people, in the summer, bring picnics and enjoy lakeside dining on the patio at the  "House of the Park". There are statues for the kids to clamber over and inquire about and lots of place for them to run during and after the car ride. There are also bird of prey shows in July and August.

A side note...if you are hungry after leaving Parc Omega, there is a great greasy spoon/ casse croute in Montebello called "La Belle Bedaine". The poutine was too die for. Seriously worth the stop:).

Angela is mom to a teen, tween and toddler, wife of an intrepid businessman, master of two big dogs and she loves her camera-baby very much. She is a displaced montrealer living in Long Sault, Ontario. She blogs at

From the Dock

3 road trip finds for kids at Ikea

In one month we will be en route to Florida with the family. It's not a new trip for us, as Florida has been our primary winter destination in the past - but we've always flown. 

When I looked up the cost of flights for a family of 4 from Ottawa, I almost fell over (we've never paid for 4 before - one child has always been free.) I know there are great deals to be had if you drive to the States or take layover flights, but I am not that brave. I want direct :)

And so, driving. My parents did it with us, so why can't I? You may come back to the blog in May and read about our driving disaster, but hey, at least we tried!

Right now I'm in full planning mode for all the things we want to do to keep the kiddos (6 and 3) occupied in the car. I'm not anti-technology in any way, and my kids have always enjoyed a movie in the car on a long drive, but I find they do worse when there is too much screen time. We actually have an easier drive when we limit the tablet.

So I'll be scouring Pinterest for fun car games, and on a tip from a friend, we headed to Ikea this weekend to check out what they have available.

Ikea does not have a specific "car travel" section (of course, they are more about house and home,) but we had a few great finds for the car

1) Byllan Laptop Tray

You can find this in the office section, and it's actually meant for those working on their laptop, on their laps (fancy that!) It also doubles as a great car seat tray for colouring and other activities. I love that the bottom is soft and squishy, so will form to the child's legs (and car seat sides)

2) Pysslingar Hanging Storage

Strap this neat hanging storage on the back of the front car seats and you have 3 pockets for kids to store toys, games and crafts. My youngest will not be able to reach forward to grab things, but at least it will keep the car tidier. Dealing with all the tinker toys during a long trip is tough!

3) Jatteliten Puppets and Theatre

We already have a little collection of finger puppets, but I LOVE that this one includes a little theatre for the girls to make up story lines. My husband often makes up funny voices for the puppets.

I'll be posting more about my road trip ideas in upcoming posts!

But tell me, have you gone on long drives with young kids? What items saved your sanity?

Speak out: an ode to big mouths

I have a big mouth.

I always have something to say.

I suggest, offer, add, provide. I do it because I wish to help, motivate and inspire. It’s genuine, but I’m certain it annoys the crap out of many people, and often.

I do it for the same reason I became a teacher: to contribute. I hope that someday, a child will remember that teacher who told them they were ok, that they were doing just fine.

In my life, there are women, some strangers, who have had a very positive influence on me. They gave me what I needed at the exact time I needed it, when I didn’t even realize I needed it. I want to do for someone what they did for me.

They told me to trust my instincts

My friend and colleague Geneviève died of heart failure at age forty.  Although we didn’t see each other or speak much in the last few years of her life, there are many things she said to me when we worked together that still resonate with me. I remember calling her when my baby was a week old, exhausted because she was feeding all the time. Geneviève was a breastfeeding support person, yet she told me to give her a soother. When I asked her if that would be a bad idea in the long run, she said: “No one knows what’s best for your baby more that you do; you are her mother, after all.” She was very wise indeed.

They listened

A purple eyelid.

The summer my daughter was twenty months old, she sat in her car seat that was perched on the front step of our house. It was there because my husband was cleaning the car before we left on our trip. As my toddler sat in it, it tipped backwards, making her hit her forehead on a rock in the front garden. The one-inch gash on her eyebrow spewed blood faster than I could cope with. We rush to urgent care; I cried as I registered her and sat down in the waiting room. An older woman who was sitting in front of me, reached out and touched my hand. “Tell me what happened” she said. I cried harder, recollecting the events of the last half hour. In that moment, it was exactly what I needed to make sense of it all and help with the excruciating waiting time. Eleven years later, I remember what that stranger did for me.  

They showed kindness, not pity

Seven years ago, when I was undergoing chemotherapy for breast cancer, I got an infection. I was admitted to the hospital in one of those locked-away wards to protect people’s immune systems. I spent the weekend there, bored, but alive. When I was released on Monday morning, my husband and I had breakfast at Cora’s in Orleans. We sat at a table for two in the middle of the room, with two women sitting at the table beside us. I remember smiling as the server cut the hospital band from around my wrists. I also remember my table neighbour smiling at me. Although I looked sick, it wasn’t a sympathy or sorry smile that she offered, but an understanding smile. I think she understood how happy I was to have gotten the hell out of that ward. They left before we did, and when we went to pay, the server told us our bill had been paid. I don’t remember what they looked like, but I’ll always remember their act of kindness. If they had minded their own business, I wouldn't have that.

I often give myself grief for coming on too strong or for being too pushy. I’m sure I’m not alone. I’m working on holding back a bit, reminding myself that sometimes, the best way to contribute is to say nothing at all. But I also remember those women who made a difference in my life.

Don't be afraid to say or do something - to reach out a hand and listen; to say the hard truth; or to pay it forward. What you say to others, whether if be a friend, an acquaintance or even a stranger, may be that thing they remember forever.  

So don’t be too hard on your big mouth. I’m trying not to.

by Angèle Alain