What is this craziness called "two working parents?"

If you've been reading blog posts here for the past couple of years, you probably know a little bit about our family situation. If not, here's the short version: my husband left his full-time job in 2013 to pursue a different career, with the intention of staying at home with our kids until he found a new position. At the same time, I went back to work full-time after my maternity leave was over, and thus became our family's main source of income. It was a fun role reversal and neither of us minded the switch, knowing that it would lead to better things in the long run.

Little did we know HOW long that run would be. Two-and-a-half years after he called it quits, my husband was still looking for a permanent job, although he eventually became self-employed as an occasional handyman.

We adjusted to life. I got to used to handing over the parenting reigns (although I'll admit, I did struggle with the lack of control!) My hubby took over childcare, getting the oldest off to school, lunches, doctor/dentist appointments, cooking dinners and so much more. And although we sometimes dreamed of a day when we'd have disposable cash, we were certainly getting by with what we had.

Then, three weeks ago, the phone rang. There was a job! The catch? It started the following week.

Cue panic.

After lots of discussion and many phone calls, we managed to cobble together daycare (although don't ask me what's going to happen when school lets out in June!) One week into this new routine, and it's the day-to-day managing of LIFE that seems to be the biggest struggle.

I've reached out to friends who have given me so many great tips on managing the household - calendars, scheduling, lunch prep, meal prep etc. I know I'll eventually get the hang of it, although it will take some time and perhaps a few breakdowns along the way.

What seems harder to adjust to is the emotional side of this deal - the two of us spending five days a week away from home, away from the kids, and with barely thirty minutes of time together each night. 

It's not that I dislike this new situation (yet); heck, I've barely had enough time to believe that it's actually happened! My husband and I have celebrated this new step in life, and I'm really excited for him. Two "steady" jobs means way more income, good benefits, and two pensions. We will have money to take nice vacations, and put our kids in all the classes/camps they want! Maybe we'll finally be able to afford a comfortable bed, and replace the windows that get covered in ice every winter...and oh my god, I can buy new CLOTHES!! When I start imagining the possibilities, I'll admit, they sound good.

But they sound good in a materialistic kind of way...in a way that satisfies a fleeting desire for money, status and pretty things. And I guess I'm not that kind of gal. I'm currently wearing shoes that are falling apart at the soles - not because we're THAT poor, but because I just don't give a crap about shoes. Most of the clothes I own are circa 1999. We already take nice vacations; they may not be at an exotic beach somewhere, or jetting off on a European cruise, but they're still special to our family. And the pension? Let's just hope I live long enough to use it!

A friend once joked that her well-paid job was what she called the "golden handcuffs." There's a lot to gain from those jobs, but the lack of freedom is scary.

I know we'll stumble along, get into a new routine, and probably enjoy ourselves in the process. My kids are excited for their Daddy, and they get to see parents who work hard and take pleasure in their careers. 

But a niggling doubt remains - I do wonder how long I can do this without self destructing. How many lunches? How many drop-offs with screaming kids in the car? How many days looking at the sorry state of my bathrooms, floors, carpets and kitchen? How many Sundays spent "meal prepping" instead of being outside in the garden?

How many days before I start to search for the key to a shiny pair of golden handcuffs?

5 Things Your Childbirth Educator Wants You to Know About Birth

According to BORN Ontario, only 1 in 4 women report taking a prenatal class as preparation for childbirth.

Although this statistic varies by demographic group, it's still a sad state of affairs that so few women and partners take classes - especially for us childbirth educators. We are passionate about what we teach, and truly believe that more information is better.

Can you give birth without taking a prenatal class? Of course! 

But will you have a better experience if you DO take a prenatal class? Most certainly! As Tabitha Bernard, one of my fellow teachers at the Ottawa Childbirth Education Association, says: "The more you know in advance, the better able you are to process information and events as they unfold. You can enjoy your baby's birthday more thoroughly if you're not learning about everything as it's happening.

I can't speak for every prenatal class out there, but the vast majority of participants who take our classes report that they leave feeling empowered and prepared. The experience is far from boring, and we work hard to present relevant content to our participants.

Here are five key things your Childbirth Educator wants you to know about birth - you need to take the class to find out more ;)

1) Birth plans are not a ticket to a cesarean

I'm sure you've heard the joke about the couple who showed up at the hospital with a 3-page birth plan (which included a short guide to lotus birth,) or maybe you read this hilarious article on McSweeney's. But jokes aside, we still want you to write a birth plan. Make it short, make it sweet and make it FLEXIBLE. When it comes to birth, nothing is set in stone. So highlight your main wishes, and make sure to include important information like allergies or specific fears.

2) Poop will happen

The other day my three year-old got off the toilet, looked in the toilet bowl, and exclaimed "now that's a log for a frog!!" A story only fellow parents can truly appreciate.

So here's the good news ladies - you will not be pooping a log for a frog. Early labour will help to clean you out (like enemas used to do back in the day,) and any poop that does come out during pushing will be very minimal. Maybe slightly bigger than a rabbit turd. But definitely not a log. And your kind nurse or midwife will quickly wipe it away before anyone notices a thing!

3) Birth is not a horror movie

OK, yes, so there's blood, urine, sweat, tears, poop and maybe even some guts. But if you are well-loved and well cared for during your birth, I promise you, it doesn't have to be a nightmare. Choose your care provider wisely, and consider hiring a birth doula. Bring relaxing music, light candles (or buy those fake LED ones so that you don't burn anything down) and let yourself be pampered. Birth is often messy, but it doesn't have to be scary.

4) Staying at the head of the bed will not stop the show

I often hear partners say that they want to stay at the head of the bed so that they don't see anything. That is perfectly acceptable, and if you are squeamish, it may be necessary. But the head of the bed is not a magical land where the vagina disappears. A woman can be pushing in a certain position that will make everything visible, despite where you try to position yourself. If you are squeamish, I highly suggest you watch a good birth video BEFORE the labour, so that you are well prepared for the sights and sounds. And you may surprise yourself by getting intimate with the whole process - I can't count how many times I've heard a partner peek down and say "That's a head!!? COOL!!!" 

5) "There are no dumb questions, just missed opportunities to ask them"

A great quote from OCEA teacher Colette Gignac! There are no dumb questions in class, and there are certainly no dumb questions during birth either. In fact, the more questions you ask, the better you will feel about decisions related to your care. When in doubt, remember to use your BRAIN - ask about benefits, risks, alternatives, and whether an intervention needs to happen NOW (or can you take a wait and see approach?) Finally, trust your Instincts - what is your gut telling you to do?

Misty Pratt is the Community Manager for Kids in the Capital. For the past five years she has enjoyed a part-time career as a birth doula and childbirth educator with the Ottawa Childbirth Education Association. In her full-time life she is a mother, health researcher and budding yogi.

Why I won't buy my kids Bear Paws

There's a familiar conversation that happens in our household, every time we bring the kids to the grocery store.

Kids: "Mommy, can we buy these {insert packaged food item}? ALL the kids at school have them, and I REALLY WANT THEM!!!"

Me: "What are these things?" I ask, and pick up the box. "$2.99 for this box of crap!! You've got to be kidding me...we could make these {insert processed food item} at home for pennies!"

Kids: "No Mommy, we don't want to MAKE these things...we want them out of the box!!"

Me: "Sorry kiddos, you will thank Mommy when you are older."

And honestly? They will totally thank me. They may groan and complain, but one day they'll be wheeling a cart through the grocery store with their own children, saying the exact same thing.

How do I know this? Case in point:

My own mother always purchased natural peanut butter from the local bulk food store. The kind man behind the counter would scoop up a big jug of peanuts, and we would watch (with little enthusiasm) as the diarrhea-like mush plopped into the container. At home, the PB would sit on the shelf, its oil rising to the top, so that whenever we went to spread it on our toast, it took superhuman strength to blend the oil back into the peanut rock at the bottom.

"Mom, seriously, when can we buy some of the REAL peanut butter that all the other kids eat?"

"This IS real peanut butter, honey" she would say. "That other crap is full of sugar!"

My mother also refused to buy Wonderbread (or any other "white" bread) and when she made KoolAid, she would cut the sugar in half. The first time I tasted KoolAid the way the package instructions dictate, I almost spit it out. It was really, really sweet.

My brother and I would dive into Kraft PB and white bread at other people's houses, complaining about our mother and her nutritional principles.

And here I am...25 years later, lecturing my kids about the evil packaged foods they think they need. It's comforting to know that no matter what you do, you WILL turn into your mother.

I'm not the nutritional police. My kids eat enough chocolate in a year for us to own a cocoa plantation, and while camping, I'll buy those mini cereal boxes that contain Froot Loops, Coco Puffs and Frosted Flakes. I do understand the convenience behind individually-packaged foods! To be honest, my main reasons behind avoiding packaged/processed foods is that a) I'm cheap; and b) I hate the environmental waste. And I really DO think homemade tastes better. Even homemade Bear Paws.

I'm also not naive enough to believe that this will last forever. Some day my kids will wear me down with their complaining, and I'll probably give in and buy the crap. Or they'll have their own money to buy it.

But for now, I have the upper hand, and all the dolla bills. Which I'd rather spend on a great bar of dark chocolate - that I'll hide in the fridge behind the homemade sauerkraut.

Giving the gift of a baby: Surrogacy in Canada

“How are you feeling?” I ask my friend Christine. She sits next to me in the cozy dining room of The Pantry Vegetarian Tea Room in the Glebe. Her large belly presses up against the table as she leans forward. 

“I’m doing great!” she says. “But I could do without the kidney stones!” 

It’s a conversation I could see myself having with any girlfriend expecting a baby - gossiping about the highs and lows of pregnancy while we devour some comfort food at a local restaurant.

But this isn’t just any girlfriend expecting a baby. With us is Heather Dunbar, the mother of the baby Christine is carrying. Or rather, Heather is the intended parent (IP), a term used in the surrogacy world. And so the conversation veers away from kidney stones and ligament pains, and dives right into the issue of surrogacy here in Canada.

As a Birth Doula and Childbirth Educator, I have watched the surrogacy “industry” from afar, marveling at the women who give up their bodies (and part of their lives) to give birth to another person’s baby. And sometimes I ask myself, could I do the same?  In the past I’ve done Google searches to try to learn more, but often get confused by the sparse information.

It was around the time I started to consider surrogacy that I met Christine Crook at a local Ottawa doula meeting. She had just recently gone through a surrogacy journey with a couple, which ended in disappointment after three attempts at IVF. Not put off by this experience, Christine continued to hold out hope that one day she would successfully give the gift of a baby to another couple.

How does surrogacy work here in Canada?

In 2004, the government passed the Assisted Human Reproduction Act, which made it illegal for any person or couple to pay a woman to carry her child. In other countries, women can be paid thousands of dollars to carry a surrogate baby. In Canada, surrogates can be reimbursed for expenses (e.g. travel related to treatments, maternity clothes etc.), and these expenses are clearly laid out in a legal contract between the IPs and surrogate.

“But finding a surrogate can be a difficult process,” Heather tells me. When Heather and her husband Craig learned that she would not be able to carry a baby, they began to consider surrogacy. They had seven embryos to work with already, and felt hopeful that they could find someone.

Heather first worked out the costs. There are several surrogacy agencies here in Canada, which charge couples $5,000 (or more) to sign up. Couples then get access to a registry of willing surrogates, who have been vetted by the organization. On top of the initial fee, couples are also responsible for lawyer’s fees and a wide range of expenses. When all is said and done, the total cost to go through an agency can be up to, or exceeding, $70,000. The cost varies depending on whether it is the surrogates first time or if she is experienced. Other costs can include hundreds of dollars in travel expenses, as there is no guarantee that the surrogate will be located in the same city - let alone the same province.

Costs aside, there’s the challenge of finding a suitable surrogate. And sadly, there are many more IPs out there then there are willing surrogates.

Finding the right match

“It took us less than 2 months to find Christine,” Heather tells me, with a sheepish look on her face. And no wonder. Some couples spend years searching for a surrogate, and others are never successful.

A chance encounter in an M&M’s Meat Shop led Heather to Christine, and they tell me about their first meeting like lovers describing a first date.

“I just knew she was the one” says Heather.

“We connected so well, and immediately we all felt really comfortable with each other” says Christine. 

Instead of going through an agency, Heather and Craig stumbled on their surrogate match by kismet. Many couples are now attempting to use word-of-mouth to find women who may be a willing, and suitable, match to carry a child. Some are reaching out on social media, in heartfelt campaigns that will ultimately guide them to their match.

Not your “typical” surrogate

And so one meeting led to the next, and Christine soon found herself at the Ottawa Fertility Centre to start the process. 

I was surprised to hear that surrogates need “permission” to carry a baby. Fertility centres have every right to deny treatment to IPs and surrogates, if they feel that the health and well-being of the surrogate is in some way compromised.

At age 43 and with two grown children at home, Christine is not a typical surrogacy candidate. Labeled as a patient with “advanced maternal age,” Christine has another point against her when she reveals that she is on anti-depressant medication.

“I’ve always been very open about my mental health issues,” says Christine. “I tried to find a couple to carry for through one of the Canadian surrogacy agencies, but no one would take me because they usually look for women who aren’t taking any medication.”

Heather and Craig Dunbar are no strangers to the medical world of tests, needles and medications. In 2014, Craig embarked on a social media campaign to find a kidney donor, after six years on dialysis. The couple were overjoyed when a donor (who happened to be a friend of Craig’s) was found, and Craig underwent his kidney transplant. After the dust had settled and Craig had recovered, the couple then decided to start a family. Due to fertility issues, Heather soon found out she was unable to carry a child.

“We weren’t overly concerned about the medication Christine was on, as we discussed it with the doctor ahead of time and felt completely comfortable with it," says Heather. We just felt so lucky to have found someone like Christine!"

And so Christine is poked and prodded, and submits to a full psychological evaluation. The surrogacy world can sometimes (although rarely) attract women who are troubled, and the doctor’s goal is to shed light on these issues as early as possible. Surrogates need to be of sound mind and judgment – IVF, pregnancy, and postpartum is not always a smooth journey.

Making a baby

Found to be in perfect health, Christine underwent the IVF process twice. The  first embryo did not “stick” (the lingo for an embryo that does not take to the uterus.) But the second?

“We’re told not to use a pregnancy test to confirm the results,” says Christine. “But everybody does anyway.”

And so on the morning of June 30th (two weeks after the transfer,) Christine peed on the stick. She did not look at the result window, and put the stick back into the box. Heather and Craig came over that evening and Christine handed the stick to them. It was their news to discover first - good or bad.The look on Heather's face told everyone!

Positive. This baby had stuck.

Christine and Heather were fortunate that they lived in such close proximity. Some surrogates are hundreds or thousands of miles away from the IPs. Heather was able to attend all the ultrasound and midwifery appointments with Christine.

Having a baby

It's evident in meeting with them that the relationship between Heather and Christine is a close one. They share a bond that is rarely shared between women in our society, and I can see the look of deep connection between them. This surrogacy journey is not a one-way street. They are both sharing in the joy of this gift of life, and they are both reaping the rewards.

This is never more evident than it is after you look at the gorgeous photographs taken by Kim Brooks of Breathe In Photography, who was there to document the birth (although story goes that she almost didn’t make it on time!)

On February 11th , 2016, baby Clara Ann came into this world. She was birthed in a tub by Christine, and welcomed into the arms of Heather, who jumped into the tub to catch her baby. My favourite picture is one where Christine holds Clara’s tiny fingers, creating a line of connection between her and Heather. Craig sits close to the tub, witnessing the ecstasy of his daughter’s birth – and the joy and stillness, which settles into the space after this tiny miracle baby takes her first breath.

The gift of life

I’m no closer to making a decision about surrogacy, and I trust in the universe to tell me whether it is the path for me. At 35, I think I have some time to decide. 

What I DO know is that my friend’s journey is something that needs to be shared. If there are other women out there who read this and feel that small tug….that small voice that says “could I do that?”…I want you to know that it is possible. 

And it’s more than just possible – it’s magnificent. 

Misty Pratt is the Community Manager for Kids in the Capital. For the past five years she has enjoyed a part-time career as a birth doula and childbirth educator with the Ottawa Childbirth Education Association. In her full-time life she is a mother, health researcher and budding yogi.

Parc Omega

When you have three kids spanning three age groups finding a family activity that does not inspire groans from at least one moody member is a huge coup...and we have found one.

Parc Omega

Located about an hour from Ottawa, and an hour and a half drive from my neck of the woods, Long Sault, Parc Omega is a little bit of wilderness in our back yard, minutes from quaint downtown Montebello. It is a terrific stop if you are on your way to Mont Tremblant.

The parc is comprised of 1500 acres, offering a 10 kilometer driving path through meadows, lakes, forests and rocky hills harboring a virtual pot pourri of exciting wildlife.

And I mean exciting. Especially if you happen to be in the possession of carrots.

Why? Because the wildlife that calls Parc Omega home loves their carrots.

What kind of wildlife? Wapiti, black bears, buffalo, red deer, white tail deer, caribou, beavers, the fallow, arctic wolves and timberwolves. And the boars. Oh, the little piggy boars!

With the exception of the wolves and the black bears, the collection of animals at Parc Omega roam free and plentiful, jauntily approaching your vehicles for food.

And this is where the multigenerational family bonding begins...all my children were initially equally terrified of the huge noses probing their way into the truck, sniffing out the food they knew must be in there somewhere.

The tour at Parc Omega starts at the front gate, with imposing statues that got the kids excited right away ( okay, maybe not the teenager).

The park is open year round, offering different adventures for every season, and there is seasonal pricing.  The hours vary as well, so check before heading out.

The first stop is at the "House of Park", a log cabin housing a snack bar  ( the teenager got excited about this...fries...yum ), a gift shop ( all the kids dug this;)) and a lower area where nature exhibitions are held. When we visited in February, there was a spectacular nature photography exhibition, with huge prints taken within the park. There were also arctic wolf pups playing and nestling up against the windows of the building, in a fenced in area where the parc often places it's most vulnerable members - babies and recovering animals. These little guys were a huge hit with children and adults alike.

The most important thing to note about this stop are the carrots.

Carrots make the drive through the park more fun and they are available by the bag at the gift shop cash. You can bring your own ( carrots are the preferred food for the animals as they are sweet and safe for them ), but the park carrots are nice and long making feeding very easy for your children. There are rules around who to feed and not feed, depending on the season, and all this is explained to you upon entering the park. We were not allowed to feed the buffalos...and one look at them lumbering up to and rubbing against the truck explained why. They are huge.

Once on the road, you will be greeted almost immediately by large caribou who anticipate your carrot sharing. The drive through the park is slow going, with most cars making the most of the feeding opportunities. You do have to be mindful of fingers and staying inside the vehicle, but in 10 years of visits we have never had a bitten finger.

You are able to tune your radio to FM 88.1 in English or FM 90.1 in French to listen to a good narrative about the park, it's history, philosophy and the animals found within it's boundary...which sometimes includes wildlife from outside the boundaries...

There are three walking paths available to visitors, and often you are able to visit with and feed deer along these protected trails. We were lucky enough to catch the opening weekend of the "cabane a sucre", and enjoyed taffy on a stick and a short walk in the brisk sunny weather. This is a new feature at the park and it was busy and popular the day we were there. The maple trees are tapped right there.

So, with all these possibilities, what did my kids enjoy the most? The teen enjoyed the fries, the tween loved feeding the deer and caribou ( after her initial "squeeeeeeee" moment ) and the baby loved pointing out all the boars. Of which there are many. Too many, lol, and not very bright...I was worried about hitting them a few times.

I loved the flying wild turkeys and my husband was thrilled with the fact that the cranky caribou did not leave a permanent hoof print on the truck when he kicked the door when cut off from his carrot fix.

All of us were thrilled to see the black bears out of hibernation THAT DAY, enjoying the sun. That was really exciting as they were very close to the fence.

The whole tour took us an hour and a bit, and you are allowed to go around as many times as you wish. Many people, in the summer, bring picnics and enjoy lakeside dining on the patio at the  "House of the Park". There are statues for the kids to clamber over and inquire about and lots of place for them to run during and after the car ride. There are also bird of prey shows in July and August.

A side note...if you are hungry after leaving Parc Omega, there is a great greasy spoon/ casse croute in Montebello called "La Belle Bedaine". The poutine was too die for. Seriously worth the stop:).

Angela is mom to a teen, tween and toddler, wife of an intrepid businessman, master of two big dogs and she loves her camera-baby very much. She is a displaced montrealer living in Long Sault, Ontario. She blogs at

From the Dock