Parenting in a pandemic - you're doing OK

Right now, a lot of us aren’t feeling OK for a lot of reasons. Whatever we’re doing as parents, we feel like someone else out there is judging us for being a “bad parent.” 

So I want to be the voice that tells you “it’s OK!”

You feel badly that your child isn’t going to be with their friends this year even though they really want to, but you feel more comfortable with virtual learning this year. It’s OK! They’re going to have a great and different experience this year and you will all do your best to get the most out of it.

You feel badly that you’re sending your kids into classrooms full of kids when there’s still a pandemic going on. It’s OK! You have a job that you need to focus on, or you know that the kids miss their friends and really need this for their mental health. It’s a great choice.

You feel badly that neither in person or virtual will work so you’re not sure how on earth they can learn anything this year. It’s OK! Unschooling is a thing. Homeschoolers often rely on kids finding their own joy and path and following the curriculum isn’t the best choice for every kid anyhow.

You’re sending your kids back to school and you don’t feel badly at all. It’s OK! You don’t need to feel badly just because other people are. You are making the choice that feels best for your family.

You’re worried the kids are getting too much screen time. It’s OK! These aren’t normal times and we have to do the best that we can given everything going on. 

You’re feeling sad and disheartened and angry and you aren’t hiding it from the kids. It’s OK! Parents have feelings too and letting your kids see what being human is isn’t a bad thing. Talk to them about it. 

You’re feeling guilty that your kids want more from you than you have to give. It’s OK! Setting boundaries and letting your kids and spouses know that you can’t give more than you have may not always feel great to them or you, but it’s not a bad thing. Work needs to happen, you need to take care of yourself, and we are all doing the best that we can.

You’re feeling sad for all that’s been lost - lost graduations, vacations, and experiences that would have been so different in regular times. It’s OK. We get to be sad about the things that have been lost. 

You’re worried your kids aren’t getting enough social interactions and it’s going to hurt their social skills. It’s OK. I know it might not be ideal, but we’re finding new ways to adapt and so many of us are in similar situations. A variety of ways to interact online are now available to us, and although it’s not the same as in-person it’s the best possible alternative we have.

You feel like no matter what you’re doing, you’re not keeping up with something else. It’s OK to not be able to do it all. It’s ok to ask other people for help or to just let some of it slide.

You feel like you haven’t done enough when everyone else seems to be loving all the quality time together and learning new hobbies. It’s OK - we’re in a traumatic situation and we don’t all have the energy or the inclination to decide to eat healthy, lose weight, and renovate the house, and you don’t need to feel like you have to. You’re doing just fine.

You’re feeling like you’re just not doing parenting right. It’s OK. You’re doing the best you can in this moment - things can look different right now because things ARE different right now.

In pandemic times we need to give ourselves some grace. We are doing the best that we can in unusual circumstances.

It’s also OK to say no to more work and no to more obligations because you are at capacity and you want to focus on other things. 

I know that right now it is impossible to get it “right” by everyone’s standards. In writing this post I’m also reminding MYSELF that I am doing the best that I can every day. I am leaning on other parents to talk to and vent to when I feel overwhelmed and like I’m doing a bad job, and I’m just trying to remind myself every day that I’m doing OK and that together we’re all OK.