A winter getaway with kids? It's all in the preparation. (Part I)

by Shawna This week we are heading to Jamaica. “Are you bringing the kids?” is a surprisingly-oft-asked question. “Of course!” is always the reply.

It’s true, travelling with small kids can be a challenge. When they’re very, very little it’s actually quite easy as enroute they just do the same thing they always do: eat and sleep and poop. You have the challenge of changing them in the smallest bathrooms imaginable, but other than that it’s pretty uneventful as long as they can be easily consoled by having their needs met. (This obviously all changes if they are sick and/or their ears get blocked.)

But when kids are old enough to be more mobile, and too young to be easily amused with books and colouring and the like for long, well, they get bored. And a restrained bored toddler is not a fun thing for anyone to contend with. Our toddler Harris is at just this age. We’ll see how he copes on the flight.

Fortunately, no matter how bad the flight I can console myself with the fact that it’s only a set amount of potential torture and then a whole week of warm days and food cooked for me. Also, typically, these flights to tropical destinations are packed with kids just like ours so we’re just as likely to get sympathetic glances as annoyed glares, and the glares will be shared by all the other parents of toddlers. But I digress…

I could write a whole post on how to handle the actual journey, but what I really want to share with Kids in the Capital readers today is the preparation involved in packing and getting ready for a tropical vacation with youngsters. Bear in mind that my destination is an all-inclusive resort with an extensive children’s program, and that we don’t really plan on leaving the resort much, if at all...

Gone are the days when I could see a good last-minute deal on a Thursday night, then throw my passport, a couple of bathing suits, a pair of shorts, sunglasses and a toothbrush into a bag and head out on Friday. (At least… I had that option. It’s possible my younger self wasn’t really as wild and freewheeling as all that in reality.) Now it’s all about the planning to head off disaster if possible, or be prepared for it if it does happen. I have a formidable packing list divided into whether items go in carry-on or get packed in checked baggage, and organized by person. I also leave an extra column to check off items as they’re packed. Yes, I love me some lists, and will add items that I know are already packed, just so I can have the satisfaction of checking them off right away. I won’t post the whole list (though will email it to anyone who asks me to in the comments), but am going to try to hit the main things.

First things first: immunizations and passports. Do you need the first for where you’re going or think you might want to go? You’ll almost certainly need the latter if you’re heading somewhere warm in the winter unless your definition of “warm” is drastically different than mine. It’s crucial to have some lead time with these items, since it can take awhile for a shot or series of shots to be effective, and Passport Canada has set turnaround times for documents. Don’t forget to look into visa requirements too if you’re going anywhere but the U.S. Want to travel with your kids but not your spouse? Always have a signed letter from the other parents saying you have permission to cross borders with them.

Other papers? Copies of your itinerary and tickets. Proof of travel insurance (yeah, you need this, especially medical with kids – the cost of tickets home in an emergency can be nothing compared to the cost of out-of-country medical care) and contact info if you need to use it. Copies of your kids’ immunization records may be handy, depending on if there’s an outbreak of something while you’re travelling. Photocopies of your passports that you’d keep in a separate place from your real passports.

Feeling extra cautious or just flat-out know that the place your going might be prone to some sort of disaster? Register your intentions to travel abroad with Foreign Affairs. You can do this easily and quickly online.  Just make sure you have your passport handy to fill out the required information to register your trip. A friend of mine also advises to let your credit card company know when you’ll be travelling and where, in order to avoid having a fraud alert pop up and your card temporarily suspended. I thought that was overkill until my husband got a cell phone call from his credit card company warning him of suspicious activity on his card in Victoria, British Columbia… where we were vacationing.

To be continued in the next instalment tomorrow!

Shawna is mom to 5-year-old-next-week Sage and 2-year-old Harris. She has been writing online since 2003, and her latest project is a photography blog. She would like you to tune in tomorrow for the rest of this mammoth entry.

Talking to Kids about Alzheimer's

by Laura “Can someone help us? Grandad’s stuck again!” was a common request from our kids. My Dad was the kind of grandfather that actually hid playing hide and seek with his grandchildren.  Inevitably, someone would need to help this enthusiastic 80+ year old man up from behind the couch or out from underneath a desk.  There was no way to discourage him when it came to his grandchildren.  He lived to see them laugh and marvelled at their every move.  It the kids wanted to dig for worms in the garden, he happily obliged. If they wanted to make a fort, out came the tools and they built something magnificent.  Together.

Three years ago, my father received the diagnosis of Alzheimer’s. Finally, a word to blame the disturbing changes my mother quietly lived with for years.  He refused to believe the doctors and kept his health a secret from friends and extended family. Although we respected my father's wishes, we did not keep information from our children.  Kids can sense stress and anxiety.  We used simple language and reassured the kids with an open dialogue about changes with Grandad and our family.

I viewed the diagnosis as an opportunity for our children to see my husband and I, and our family, deal with sadness and challenges.  It was also a chance to show the kids how we care and support the people we love.

As my father’s symptoms changed, our children needed more information and I turned to a variety of resources for guidance.  The Alzheimer Society run excellent education seminars and support groups.  There are websites* with specific information about talking to young children and teens.  I also spent a lot of time at the library.

I found a children’s book “What’s happening to Grampa?”  by Maria Shriver. There are few books about Alzheimer’s geared to young children.  This is a simple story with lovely illustrations appropriate for an 8 and 10 year old.  This story provided the words I needed to explain the disease, experiences and feelings in a gentle but truthful way.

We sat on the couch, the four of us and I read.  Half way through my throat tightened and tears started flowing. The girls looked up when I paused.  I felt my husband take the book from my hands and continue where I left off.  He read the rest of the story beautifully.  After, we talked about Alzheimer’s, Grandad, sadness and the possible changes ahead.

My father used to read books and help my kids play board games.  Now they read to him and patiently talk him through simple games.  The kids draw special pictures and use photos in their art to help him remember. We visit him often in Long-term Care. We reframe our holidays, trying to celebrate in an institution and make it meaningful.  Every visit requires thoughtful discussion with our children explaining their Grandfathers words and behaviours.

Now we have to protect our kids.  They do not need to see the scary or ugly side of Alzheimer’s.  We never force them to visit or talk to him on the phone.  We reassure that Grandad loves them and that they are so special to him.  

Recently, we made a family decision to participate in the Walk for Memories January 30th 2011.   Our family relies on the Alzheimer’s Society for help, support and information.  The work they do in our community is invaluable and I am grateful.

We are raising money and walking in this fun family event to raise awareness, support vital programs and a cure.  If you ask our kids why we are participating, they will tell you one reason – Grandad.

I wish I had a plan about how we manage the last stages of this disease.  I do know we will continue to advocate and support my father. We will get through it, together.  I also know we will never forget Grandad.  We will hold and treasure our memories of a great man.

Laura is a wife and Mother to beautiful 8 and 10 year old girls.  She describes herself as an eco-advocate and moderate neat freak with a recessive frugal gene.  Laura provides light-hearted commentary for every day, practical green living on her blog the Mindful Merchant.

Parents in the Capital

 by Finola I am the mom of two beautiful daughters aged six and eight. I am also the wife to Tony for almost 15 years now. Guess who has gotten most of my attention for the last eight years?

 You always hear that you need to take time as a couple once you have kids, or else you can grow apart. Blah, blah, blah. I never really paid too much attention to that advice. I allowed the small people in our house to absorb me, fully and completely. I didn’t adjust well to being a working parent, so when I wasn’t at work, I was at home with my daughters. I felt guilty if I went out to get my haircut. I felt guilty if I went shopping. I felt guilty if I met a friend for a coffee. I felt guilty if Tony and I went out for an evening. This meant that most of my time was spent either at work or at home. I did very little to nurture myself, and I did even less to nurture my marriage. It was working well enough for a long time.

 So I would only see a movie in a theatre once a year. So I would only eat out at a restaurant with Tony one or twice a year. So I was hesitant to get a babysitter. So Tony and I weren’t laughing together very often anymore. There was tension and aggravation and sighing. I was feeling tired lonely and sad, and I didn’t feel like I could talk to Tony about it. It wasn’t drastic, and it wasn’t all bad, but we were disengaging from each other and our connection was gradually diminishing.

I think those first few years of having children are much harder and more stressful than we realize when we are in the midst of diapers, feedings and sleepless nights, because we are just so busy getting through each day. It isn’t until the children grow a little and become more self sufficient that we step back and realize just how freaking hard those early years were, and just how much of an effect it all has on yourself and your relationship with your partner.

 I don’t have all of the answers, but I do know that Tony and I are taking some positive steps now to reconnect as a couple. I personally am working to change the way I react when Tony doesn’t do things like they should be done as I would do them. I am taking a breath and laughing at his absent-minded professor moments rather than getting angry. Is it really the end of the world when I find the ice cream in the fridge instead of the freezer? Or if he consistently mixes up which of our children likes to drink milk with dinner and which one likes water? I could even laugh the other morning when I found the coffee pot empty, the chamber filled with water, but the basket open and still containing yesterday’s coffee grounds. AT 5:30 IN THE MORNING WHEN I WAS EXPECTING TO FIND MY HOT COFFEE READY AND WAITING FOR ME. See? Progress.

 Tony and I have also started having date nights - so far we have gone to a wedding, we went Christmas shopping, we have had coffee and lunch dates, and we spent a whole day at the Nordic spa together. When I leave for work in the morning, I have started kissing him good-bye again. When I walk past him in the kitchen, I reach to touch.

 It is not magic but these small things make a big difference. We are laughing more. We are talking more. We are more connected and more present. We need to keep doing these positive things; these generous things. We need to take care of our children and take care of ourselves and our relationship too.

 Last week I had a meeting at the end of the day in another part of the city. I had to take a bus and then walk a short way to get there. I had Googled the directions earlier, but hadn’t bothered to print them out because they were so simple. This is a big mistake when you are directionally challenged like I am. I got lost. I pulled out my cell phone, called Tony, and he was there to pick me up within five minutes and drive me to my meeting. He didn‘t roll his eyes or complain about me being lost, yet again. He was just there for me, like he always is. It really hit home that day just how lucky I am.

 It may be almost impossible for partnerships to come out of those early years with kids completely unscathed, but keeping the connection going is worth spending time on and thinking about while the children are still young. This stuff is hard and I can only imagine that it gets an awful lot harder if you wait until your children are all grown up.

 I wanted to post this on Kids in the Capital because I know that many of the contributors and readers here have really young children and are in the middle of those really hard years. If you can remember to take just a little bit of time each day, each week or each month for each other, it really will go a long way.

Finola is married to Tony and together they have two girls who are 6 and 8. You can read her blog at www.finolablog.com or find her on Twitter @Finola.

Breastfeeding Cafe

by Amanda As a new mother I was prepared for many of the joys, obstacles and sleepless nights a parent experiences. What I wasn’t prepared for was the mountain I would climb to be able to successfully breastfeed my child.  I was under the naïve impression, or possibly more like a dream state, that my child would latch on to the breast and I would magically feed him and all would be a success. Because really, how hard could breastfeeding be? Isn’t it so natural?

I was wrong. So wrong! We had problem after problem.  Needless to say my milk supply diminished and my child was not getting near enough to eat.  We immediately received support through a lactation consultant at her private home and after weeks and weeks of dedication we finally started to have success with exclusive breastfeeding.

Support makes a big difference as it brings the breastfeeding mother encouragement when needed, a place to share stories of joy and where questions are not judged but welcomed.  Breastfeeding can bring forth challenges but for me it is now a joy, a special bond I have created with my child, and I believe I feel this way now because of all the support I have.

Every Wednesday from August to December, with the exception of one or two missed due to appointments, Dominic & I have headed out to the Breastfeeding Café.  The Breastfeeding Café is a supportive atmosphere welcoming breastfeeding mothers were you don’t have to worry if you have showered that morning, if you have bags under your eyes from lack of sleep, whether you have spit up all over your shirt, or feel like you might be judged.  Moms & babies under 6 months are welcomed at the Breastfeeding Café.

The Breastfeeding Cafe was created by Susan Martensen, a DONA approved Birth & Postpartum Doula Trainer and is currently offered Wednesday’s at Milkface in Westboro.  There is no registration or sign up required, you just come and go as you can and wish. Have a breastfeeding question? Come on out and ask.  Want a place to relax, chat and feed your child? Come on out.  It’s a relaxed atmosphere that welcomes moms to enjoy a few hours over snacks, snuggles with their babes and other women.

Every Wednesday I knew what I was doing and where we were going. I looked forward to seeing all of the wonderful women I met and to ask Susan any baby related questions I may have.  It was comfortable, serene and wonderfully supportive.

There is a donation fee, recommended $5, to help cover the costs of snacks.  There is always yummy food!

So, what are you doing next Wednesday from 10:30-12:30? Head over to Milkface in Westboro and enjoy the Breastfeeding Café.

Amanda is mom to Dominic, 8 months, and can be found blogging about life, product reviews & giveaways at Namaste Mommy, PTPA Panel of Moms & Tools for Schools.  When not feeding and changing diapers Amanda is busy with her company DeGrace Energetics & Little Lotus.

Visiting the eye doctor

by Brie I have a tendency to put off appointments I don't like. You know, the doctor, the dentist, etc. But there was one appointment I was determined to make. An eye appointment for my 4 year old.

My husband has high myopia and macular degeneration. He has been receiving treatment for his eyes since shortly before the girl was born. And since then I have been wondering and worried that my kids would have problems with their eyes too.

In December I took the girl to her first eye appointment. We went to our local eyeglass store Eye Maxx, where both the husband and I recently bought glasses, and saw the in-house optometrist. I has so happy that she was great with my 4 year old.

It can be a little overwhelming to sit in a dark room and be tested but the girl did great. We had talked to her about what to expect so she was prepared. She was still a little nervous at first but was excited to try reading the letters off the far wall (the optometrist gave her the choice of reading letters or looking at pictures). The only tricky part was when the girl had to lean forward and rest her chin on a little ledge to look into some kind of machine. And even then the only tricky part was getting her chin lined up and her to sit still long enough!

The girl had a great eye exam. I was pleased to hear that she has 20/20 vision, but I was even more pleased to hear that her eyes are healthy and that it doesn't look she has inherited any of her father's eye issues. Yearly eye exams for kids under 20 are covered by OHIP and we will definitely be taking her back next year to check on the health of her eyes. The boy will be joining his sister for his first exam before he starts kindergarten, if not before. 

Have you taken your kids to have their eyes examined? Do you have any optometrists you loved in the Ottawa area?

Brie is the mom of a 4 year old daughter “the girl” and 2 old son “the boy”. You can read her blog at Capital Mom.