Tales of a Tween: Navigating Social Media

By Angèle Alain

Last week, an article appeared on my Facebook feed about banning the use of handheld devices for children under the age of twelve. The article linked the use of such devices to obesity, lack of sleep and other negative side effects.

I was irritated by it because I don’t like the idea of banning in general. Although I agree handheld devices and children don’t mix together harmoniously, I feel that it’s a parent’s role to manage their child’s use and limit side effects. Just like candy, television,  strangers, or anything else that can cause children harm, it’s our job as parents to teach our kids how to navigate those waters. When it comes to radiation exposure, however, I get it. Our wifi shut itself off at night since I don't want us exposed to radiation more than we have to. A phone under a baby's pillow is never a good idea.

Kids as young as age four use handheld devices at school. Why not? We live in a world of electronics and there are so many wonderful tools to assist learning, especially for those who need extra help. I got my child an iPod at age nine, when she mostly listened to music and played games. Now that she’s eleven, she does wonderfully creative things with it: she writes and records songs, she creates and films mini features of all kind, she still listens to music, she plays Minecraft, and she takes photos and posts some to Instagram with clever captions. She can also text and Facetime her friends, email her teachers, as well as call me on Skype, text or email me when she has Wi-Fi. This last part makes me feel better and replaces the phone I’m not ready for her to have. We’ve set limits of use, of course: set the devise to “do not disturb” at bedtime; don’t film things in their entirety instead of experience them (such as concerts); leave the iPod at home, remove yourself from an overactive chat, etc. 

"Oli enjoying the new kitchen"

We’ve also set rules about social media. Last winter, my daughter asked me if she could join Instagram, that younger-crowd-photo-based-Facebook-type-website that lives in an application. It’s the only social media app she’s shown interest in. I knew about it but I didn’t have an account. I used to be a team lead of a social media group in government, so social media doesn’t scare me. My daughter has seen both her father and I use Twitter and Facebook on a regular basis. Still, the thought of my little girl publishing online was intimidating to say the least. I decided to follow my own advice for a test trial, and teach her about social media rules and etiquette instead of delaying the inevitable.  If you decide to go that route, here are a few the rules we have taught our daughter:

"That moment...."

Social media rules to live by

1. Keep your account private (until you are 18 or famous or get parent approval to do otherwise).
2. Only accept follows from people you know. 
3. Never, ever post a photo unless you don’t mind seeing it on a billboard. Even if your account is private, you cannot control what others do with your photos.
4. Always be nice when you post and when you comment. The meaning of your words cannot be easily construed when tone of voice and body language isn’t present.
5. Don’t be bothered by mean comments - you might be reading too much into it. If the comments are always mean, block the user.
6. If you see someone being bullied on social media, call them out.
7. Show me your posts on a regular basis and give me your password (I set up her account, so that’s not an issue).
8. Remove any photos I don’t agree with (this hasn’t happened yet, but she did replace a profile photo in which I felt she looked older).
9. Accept my follow and follow me (I created myself an account and her friends follow me. It’s cute).
10. If this test trial doesn’t work, we pull the plug.

These past months of Instagram posts have been a lot of fun. I’m impressed by my tween's arty photos and witty captions. She even brought her device to Japan and posted photos of her experiences on Instagram. Her classmates then shared her photos with their teacher and their class, giving them the chance to experience a little bit of her trip. She also was able to Skype with her class from Kyoto. I’m happy to say no rules have been broken and she is continues to make good decisions about her social media presence. The trial was a complete success.

"I don't know which one is worst."

A Ban? Not in our house. 

Do you have a device ban in your house? Why or why not?

VarageSale all that extra stuff out of your house

by Lara

I've been purging a lot lately. The kids are getting older (9 and 6) and we still have so many things in the house from when they were younger!

Backyard playhouse? All they do is stand on the top of it and act like it's a trampoline!

Cloth diapers and crib bedding? Why on earth do I still have those when I knew I was done having babies 6 years ago and haven't needed either for ages?

When VarageSale approached us for a partnership I was keen to try out their service and hoped it would prompt me to get rid of some of that stuff!

Today I'm going to share some of the things I really like about VarageSale:

1) The app

It's easy to use and I like being able to easily list my items from my phone, since that's the device I use to take photos of the items. 

It's easy to find all my items in one place or be able to get to the different areas of the apps - such as items I might be wanting to keep an eye on, or discussions I might be having in the communities.

2) Bumping

One of the things that frustrates me when I put my items online is how quickly they get dropped so far down the list of items for sale that almost nobody will see what I'm selling. You can bump your items back up the list, which is great. To make sure people don't just sit there bumping their stuff up constantly, you get a limited amount of bumps per hour. Genius.

3) Threaded conversations (with push notifications)

When people have questions on your item, they can comment right there and you get a notification right on your phone. I loved that I could reply to people's questions quickly because of them.

I also love how easy it is to push out the listing to your own friends on Facebook.

4) Local

VarageSale has all kind of local options. You can post by community, but there are also options for having discussions right within their platform as well. They are trying to create a space where we can share, sell, and talk about events they have coming up and get beyond just listing items for sale.

It's a cool app and web site and I'm all for getting some of the extra junk out of my house. Check it out and if you list anything, share your listing in the comments here or on Facebook!

*This is a sponsored post but all thoughts are straight from my brain :) 

Concerts: A Family Activity?

By Angèle Alain

Recently, One Direction made a tour stop in Ottawa. It was the second of two shows at the Canadian Tire Centre. This was quite an event for many reasons, as fans will understand!

One Direction in Ottawa

One Direction doesn’t always come to Ottawa. Last year, we had to go to the Rogers Centre in Toronto to see them live. They even played two shows here, which is rare in itself. They are only playing stadiums now, so Ottawa got a treat. A stadium show is more impressive, but there are never any good seats. An arena feels intimate by comparison.  AND, this might be One Direction’s last tour! We hope not, but they are taking a break next year and who knows what will happen after that.

As I was dancing around with my eleven year old, I thought of all the concerts we’ve been to together over the years. It’s a great family activity. We’ve seen 1D, Taylor Swift and Ed Sheeran just this summer. Last year, it was Katy Perry and One Direction. The year before that, it was Selena Gomez and Justin Bieber. Spoiled, you say? The way I see it, music is an interest I share with my daughter and therefore, I set concerts as a priority, like other parents might for sports or theatre.

Concert tickets can be expensive and hard to get, but there are a few tricks for saving money and making it easier  

• If you have an American Express card, you have access to presales on Capital Tickets.
• Always buy tickets off Capital Tickets. You are paying the real price, not inflated middle-man prices. Even on Stub Hub, which is legitimate, the tickets are more expensive.
• Tickets usually go on sale before Christmas, which helps you or Santa figure out gifts for your children.
• Only one parent needs to go with the kids, and consider only bringing the one who is the real fan. You can do something special with the whole family another time.
• Look for tickets on Capital Tickets on the day of the concert. It is surprising what you can get, as tickets are often released late. 
• Any ticket is a good ticket. Kids don’t care if you’re on the floor or in the nose bleeds. In fact, some of the best, less expensive tickets for kids are in row A in the 300 level. That way, no one can stand in front of them. We saw Taylor Swift that way and we were able to take in the whole production, with a great view.    

Of course, concerts are loud and can be intimidating. My daughter didn’t want to go until she was 8 years old. We started with a quiet concert in a small venue; I brought her to see Coeur de Pirate at the Canadian Museum of History concert hall. She wore headphones and fell asleep before the end, but it was worth it. There’s nothing like the experience of live music.  

Now that she’s a tween, she’s a seasoned concert goer. She still wears her pink headphones to protect her ears, and she’s willing to go see artists I like with me. When she was seven, I felt I had five years left of her wanting to spend time with me. As this time is expiring shortly, I realize music is one of the many activities we enjoy together. I hope it’s something that will keep her coming for more. In fact, there’s something to be said about listening to music on the radio, or watching a video of a band you’ve seen live. It’s a bonding experience; an event to be remembered and cherished. I’m sure my eleven year old will never forget the “hello!” she got from Katy Perry and Harry Styles  --yes, it does happen, especially to children. I’m also sure that little old boy in front of us we saw dancing out a storm to What Makes You Beautiful won’t forget either. Concerts, big or small, are very much a family activity.

Popcorn: You've been doing it all wrong!

Whenever I see those "you've been doing it all wrong" posts, I'm a little skeptical. Really? Have I really been doing it wrong? Or have I just been doing it MY way?

Then I started clicking on certain links, and I've realized what a wonderful resource these types of posts can be! Usually they save me time and money, or at least they make my kids totally excited.

Popcorn

If you're like me, you grew up with Orville's Bags of Toxins (I'm kidding, love you Orville). Many radical health food nuts have denounced microwave popcorn as "dangerous" and "cancer-causing." Everything we do and eat pretty much causes cancer, so you won't get any judgement from me if you want to fill your face with perfluorooctanoic (PFOA) - a chemical coating on the bags that breaks down when heated. Or diacetyl, the stuff that makes the popcorn taste like butter.

But what if I told you there was a better way, that's just as easy?

What's awesome about microwave popcorn is that it's an easy snack. Throw it in the microwave, beep, beep, beep, and out comes a steamy bag of delicious popcorn for movie night.

Our family version of popcorn is almost exactly the same, but leaves out the chemicals and additives. Here's how you can do it:

1. Go out and buy a package of brown paper bags ($2)
2. Go to your bulk food store and buy plain popping corn (we like the white-ish variety, as the yellow variety has a hard outer shell that sticks in your teeth). If you want to get really consumer-conscious here, find some non-GMO organic popping corn (I bought some last year at Picard's but I'm sure you could find a local source)
   
3. Place 1/4 cup of popping corn in the brown paper bag, and fold over the top of the bag 2-3 times (don't fold too much - your popcorn needs some space)
   
4. Place in microwave, and cook on High for 2 minutes (warning!! This will be different for every microwave. You might find you need more or less time. Apologies if you have a couple of burnt bags of popcorn before you figure it out)
   
5. Take the popcorn out, and place a small bowl with 2 tsps butter back in. Cook just until melted.
   
6. Pour the butter over your popcorn, and salt to taste
   

And voila! Super yummy popcorn at a fraction of the cost and 10x the healthiness. Dress it up with whatever spices you'd like (or maybe one night you'll get really daring and make caramel sauce!)

Do kids need "mental health" days?

by Misty Pratt

When I was in Grade 10, I decided to volunteer to work on our school's fashion show committee. The event was a hoot (the fact that I've called it a "hoot" may indicate how long ago I was in high school). Local clothing stores sponsored us, and hyped-up teenagers took to the stage with music pumping and lights flashing. In a school with a large music and arts program, it was an amazing event.

But let's count how many other activities I was involved in that year: school orchestra, city-wide orchestra, choir, cheerleading, and piano lessons...with the occasional art class thrown in just for fun.

To say my schedule was packed is an understatement. I remember trying to finish math homework in the auditorium one afternoon, while waiting for my turn on the catwalk (because of course, I had to maintain my straight A's during this busy time of my life!) A friend made a joke, and I started to giggle. The giggle quickly turned to tears, but not the good kind of tears - this was a big ol' sob fest that lasted ten minutes. My friend shot me a strange look and left me alone to sniffle into my tissue. 

********************************

I read a comment the other day that took me right back to that day in my school auditorium. The parent who was writing did not agree with children taking time off school for no reason (other than true physical or mental illness). The parent's argument was that teachers have enough to deal with, without having to catch up the kids who decide that school just doesn't suit them that particular day.

Are mental health days appropriate, even for children with no diagnosed mental health issue?

When I go back to that younger version of me in the auditorium, I wonder what might have happened if someone had told me to take a day off. Honestly, I probably would have said "no way, no time." High-achieving kids with anxiety have a wonderful knack for working themselves up into full-on breakdown mode. But a community that's supportive of taking time when it's needed might have prevented some more serious issues down the road.

Let's look at some mental health facts (source - CAMH):

• 70% of mental health problems have their onset during childhood or adolescence

• Young people aged 15 to 24 are more likely to experience mental illness and/or substance use disorders than any other age group

• The economic burden of mental illness in Canada is estimated at $51 billion per year. This includes health care costs, lost productivity, and reductions in health-related quality of life

• In Ontario the annual cost of alcohol-related health care, law enforcement, corrections, lost productivity, and other problems is estimated to be $5.3 billion.

• A growing body of international evidence demonstrates that promotion, prevention, and early intervention initiatives show positive returns on investment.

Based on these statistics, should we not be taking mental health days more seriously? In the long run, I wonder if children who truly need to step back and take a breather should be encouraged to do so, BEFORE a "true" mental health issue develops.

But how many days? Will children abuse the privilege of taking mental health days?

To answer my second question, yes they will. Some kids would certainly take the opportunity to take time off school, just as there are adults all over the world doing the same thing at work. It's a fine line to walk - when does your child truly need a break, and when should they be encouraged to suck it up?

To determine what might work best for your family, here are some questions to consider: 

1. How many days has your child been away from school in the past month? The occasional day off will not have an effect on your child's academic achievement, but frequent absences can certainly impact grades.
2. Is the desire for a mental health day coming from the child, or from the parent or teacher? Often children who are struggling have difficulty with self-regulation - they don't really know it's time for a break.
3. What's going on in the child's life? If a child is frequently needing time off school, are there underlying issues that need to be addressed? A busy schedule that could be pared down? Bullying? A learning disability?
4. Do you need to consider alternative forms of education for your child? It's possible they are not being challenged enough in their school, or struggle in a traditional education setting.
5. How has your past relationship with school informed your current view? Maybe you were forced to go to school every day by your parents, even when deathly ill - you feel strongly that your child should do the same. Or maybe you were allowed to stay home from school anytime you wanted, and your academic performance suffered. You need to take into account your own biases towards schooling and mental health when making a decision.

In a country where 1 in 5 people struggle with mental health illnesses, we need to be looking a the heart of the issue.  So many factors are at play - genetic, environmental, and societal issues - that determine why one child will develop a mental health illness and another will not. It's complicated, but early prevention and intervention can be key.

I'm not arguing that the solution is as simple as taking the occasional break. But it's certainly an easy way to educate children on the importance of self-care and down time. Our world may operate at lightening speed, but our children don't have to.

Do you let your children take mental health days? Why or why not?