"Help Me" at the Park

I feel so lucky that I will be spending the summer playing in the park. This gives me the chance to enjoy so many of the simply wonderful aspects of life so I thought that I would write about my experiences and observations.

This year I have a 1 year old, one that is 2 and three quarters, and two eight year olds in tow. My 11 and 14 year olds and their friends will be hanging around as well. This should bring me some challenges, a chance to practice living in the present and lots of fun.

Because I am a bit of a parenting nerd, being in the parks also gives me the chance to witness parents and notice all of the different parenting that goes on. Sometimes I get some new tricks to use and sometimes I see techniques that don’t fit with me at all; but whatever the case I always enjoy seeing the different ways that parents and their children relate. It gives me the opportunity to connect and fine tune the way I choose to parent.

I do this by observing other parents, checking out the way kids play together and getting into many conversations with other caregivers about the issues that are being presented every day.

This week I was a bit surprised when another caregiver lifted the 2 year-old that was with me down from a climber. I don’t know exactly what she was thinking but I sure was curious and will guess at a few of the reasons here.

Marley, who is 2 and three quarters, was up on a pirate ship climber and to get down she would have to climb the rope net ladder. This is a new challenge for her. She did get up but never down before and was asking for help. I was sitting about 15 feet away, so not right there. My 8 year-old daughter was right beside her but not strong enough to help her down. She was however able to start to instruct her about what to do to get down… “Turn around and go backwards… you can do it… I’m right here.”

As Marley started to do this the other caregiver said “I’ll help you down”, picked her off the climber and put her on the ground.

Here’s what I think about this…

1.     I think so many people find it hard to watch children in any amount of struggle. The impulse to relieve them of this struggle can be very strong. But the struggle is the motivation to try new things, learn and grow. On the other side there is a reward of increased confidence and more possibilities.

2.     I think that the caregiver worried about the child’s safety and was concerned that she might fall. I can understand this worry but in this situation I was very confident in Marley’s ability.

3.     I think that the caregiver was not paying attention to the interactions that were going on between the children and what they were working out together. In an effort to fix the situation the children were cut off from the learning experience that they were sharing. And,

4.     I think that it is surprising when someone feels comfortable picking up a child without having a relationship. It is interesting to me where people draw this line. When they feel it is their right or even responsibility to physically move a child in a situation instead of having a conversation with them.

I am only assuming here that the caregiver wondered why I had not gone over myself to help Marley down. She may have thought I was lazy or didn’t notice. I’m pretty sure she didn’t realize that I was consciously making the decision to allow Marley to try something new, challenge her self and work out a situation with her friend all while in the careful watch of someone who cares.

I’m sure there was no harm done here but I must say that I am a bit disappointed that Marley didn’t get to realize the full benefits of her experience learning to climb the ladder. I am consoled knowing that she will have many more chances to try something new and feel success this summer and in the rest of her life.

Kaeli Van Regan is the founder of Living Inside Out. She combines her love of life and nature with education in Child and Youth Work, Life Coaching and Energy Healing to provide coaching to expand and uplift the family unit. Check her out onTwitter, Facebook and YouTube.

Staying fit while pregnant with FITMOM2B

As an expectant mom with a two-year old at home, there are a few things that I could use more of in my life: exercise, a chance to unwind, time outdoors, hanging out with other moms, and sleep (in no particular order). I was thrilled to find Ottawa FITMOM2B classes where I can accomplish all of these things (yes, these classes even help me to sleep better!).

A girlfriend encouraged me to join her for these weekly fitness classes while I was in my second trimester, and I thoroughly enjoyed the experience from my very first visit. I was greeted enthusiastically by the owner and pre/post-natal fitness guru, Sue, and after the arrival of another eight ladies or so, we got to work. The class strikes a fine balance of getting a good full-body workout, not a walk in the park, while doing so in a safe, controlled manner appropriate for most moms-to-be. The classes generally follow an interval structure, where strength exercises are carried out for a minute or so, followed by short periods of rest. Sue also ensures that all participants are mindful of the guidelines for exercise during pregnancy (as recommended by the Society of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists of Canada), which include being aware of changes in balance, range of motion, caloric needs and hydration.

The classes have now moved outdoors to Windsor Park (Hunt Club near the airport) for the summer and it feels so good to be out enjoying longer summer evenings in the park and getting fresh air. The outdoor class also uses the park’s features to maximum advantage, incorporating benches and hills into the workout.

The class is rounded out with stretching and breathing exercises at the end of class, usually accompanied with some discussion about the importance of maintaining core strength and pelvic floor health before, during and after labour and delivery.

At 33 weeks pregnant I am so grateful to still be feeling strong and full of energy, and I know this is partly thanks to the FITMOM2B classes. I’m already looking forward to taking part in the FITMOM & Baby classes with my new peanut this fall. I highly recommend doing something great for yourself by checking out FITMOM; you can even try out your first class for free.

About the author: I am a Calgary girl transplanted to Ottawa (via Australia, Tunisia, Mexico, et al), working for the public service. I’ve been married for three years, I’m mom to two year old Charlotte, a three year old feline, and we’ll be welcoming a little man to the family this summer. I’m also an avid cyclist, hiker, yogi, reader, coffee-lover and all around busy-body.

I blog about everything that is going on in and around town: festivals, special events, favourite yoga studios and great restaurants because I think that the ‘Hottawa’ is a fun and fabulous place to live.  Find me at @thehottawa.

Parenting for Your Child’s Rhythm

Each one of my children is a beautiful human being. I love to spend time with them, watch them learn, and notice what they are interested in. I enjoy their company but some days I find this hard to keep in perspective because I’m just not up to it. This is when I try to remember that time is fleeting. While some days seem long, months and years pass by quickly. 

As much as I feel so blessed to enjoy this time with them and experience how precious they are, what I really want is to ensure they feel how precious they are and get to know themselves really well. So, even though I want to give them confidence, love, and a feeling of worth what is more important is that they are learning to give this to themselves.

I would like to ensure that my children are not drawing their self-esteem from what I want for them but from what they want for themselves. They can do this by finding the feeling of confidence that comes from spending time with themselves and following their own rhythm.

This can be interrupted so easily by the busyness of life, rushing children out the door, and placing too much weight on socializing with others. You have the chance to let your children become strong in themselves before sending them out into the world. When they have a true sense of themselves they will also have what they need when it is time.           

To help your children have this feeling you can learn to follow them. Test it out slowly by going at they’re pace just a little bit more often. This might mean going a little slower at times or speeding things up, giving them extra time to play around the sink when they are washing their hands, allowing them to take time when getting their chores done and taking into consideration their desired schedule.

Sometimes children doddle because they are enjoying themselves and other times it is because they are feeling controlled. When you follow them you learn to see the difference and realize that both are about needs that are important to them. Understand that they have their own sense of how they would like to move through their day and they often don’t get to follow it.

By giving your children chances to follow their own rhythm they are finding resources within that give them a certainty that the way they naturally move through life is valid and valued. By giving your children chances to enjoy time with them selves they are building strength in who they are. This is what brings them the confidence to be who they are, to be authentic in relationships with others and put themselves forward in all their endeavours. 

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Kaeli Van Regan is the founder of Living Inside Out. I combine my love of life and nature with education in Child and Youth Work, Life Coaching and Energy Healing to provide coaching to expand yourself and uplift your family. I live in beautiful Old Ottawa East with my husband and three children. There are tips and tools on the website www.livinginsideout.ca with a lot more coming in the next couple of months as information comes out about my upcoming book and program Parenting Your Way.

Twitter: @kaeli_van

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/kaelivanregan/?ref=aymt_homepage_panel 

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCVvQeRrM2EDjcPDM46BVmPg .

Simple Tools for Parents whose Children have Anxiety

It is interesting that what makes you worry is the same thing that stops you from living your life to the fullest. It is moving into the future or moving out of the moment. Living in the present can be a present to someone who is living with fear, worry or anxiety.

Worries, fears and anxieties come from thoughts of the past or future. In separating yourself from these thoughts you are able to replace them with a more positive or peaceful way of being. The same principles are used to end the effects of anxiety and master your life.

Children can get into a way of seeing the world that brings them unwanted feelings. This may come from having parents who grew up with fear or anxiety or from other beliefs that they have formed.

Parents may fear they are not offering everything they can to their children. They may fear for the future success of their children or for the safety of their children. This shows that you are a concerned parent and want the best for your child. This desire, tools and some consistency will allow your children to move away from anxiety and enjoy the moments in their life.

When my son was in grade two he missed more than half of the school year because he was to anxious to participate or even attend. I realized that both my husband and I grew up feeling quite anxious. My husband felt like he really needed to protect our children and keep them safe and I never wanted to put our children in a situation where they felt uncomfortable for fear of them experiencing difficult feelings.

It wasn’t easy but the first thing we did was to confront our own fears and get ourselves into a place of personal strength so we could be supportive. At the same time we found ways to help him live in the present.

He is now in grade eight, living without anxiety as a self proclaimed positive tween. He has a few remarkable insights on the topic: I always knew that I didn’t have to worry but I didn’t know how, I know that life just keeps getting better and better and what is the worst that can happen?

The first step to any change that you want to see in life is awareness and as a parent you must start with looking at your self. You can do this by answering these questions: Why am I concerned about my child’s worries, fear or anxiety? Where do these concerns come from? What can I change so I am not projecting these feelings onto my child? How can I grow?

The next step is to look at your child and your hopes for them and you can do this by asking these questions: How is this affecting my child’s life? How do I want my child to feel?

Equipped with this information you have put yourself in a place where you can make some change. There are so many tools that you can use to separate yourself from these thoughts and worries including: becoming aware of them, mindfulness, separating your worry brain, changing your focus to a fun challenge, and increasing your positive energy throughout the day.

You can raise your positive energy throughout the day with any relaxation technique, by exercising, listening to music or by doing an energy exercise. Here is a link to a 17 second energy exercise video that helps by getting your energy moving across your body:

Kaeli Van Regan is the founder of Living Inside Out. I combine my love of life and nature with education in Child and Youth Work, Life Coaching and Energy Healing to provide coaching to expand yourself and uplift your family. I live in beautiful Old Ottawa East with my husband and three children. There are tips and tools on the website www.livinginsideout.ca with a lot more coming in the next couple of months as information comes out about my upcoming book and program Parenting Your Way.

Twitter: @kaeli_van

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/kaelivanregan/?ref=aymt_homepage_panel 

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCVvQeRrM2EDjcPDM46BVmPg .

How To Keep Your Child Rested During Travel And Still Have Fun!

Spring is finally here! Some people are in the midst of travelling for spring vacation or trying to finalize a summer getaway with their family. As a mom, the concerns I have while travelling with my three favourite people – my husband, four year old and almost two year old – are much different than my non-parenting days. Things I think about today: do I have everything for the kids – diapers, snacks, colouring books and oh, snacks – lots... especially if you are going to be going on a plane! Once packing is covered, the next question that pops into my head is: where will the children sleep and can we still have fun and keep routines in check? Absolutely! This is one of the most common questions I get as a Sleep Consultant. So here are my top three tips to keep your child rested during travel so that you can still have a fun family holiday!

1.     Don’t over-schedule: Remember how I spoke about how preparing before vacation is different once you have children? This same rule applies once you arrive at your destination. You now have a child that needs sleep to be at their best during the day. Let’s face it, an overtired child who is exhausted (picture dreaded melt down!) is not what you had in mind when you planned your family holiday. So, try to honour your child’s needs and remember his or her limits. You know how much your child can handle.  Some ways that you can still be flexible: plan a fun and eventful morning, with a more restful afternoon and a dinner out. Skip a nap one day or have it on the go (i.e. stroller or car) but make sure that you are back for bedtime.

2.     Get help from the sun: Are you travelling to a new time zone? The best thing you can do once you arrive is get onto the new time as quickly as possible. Children will normally adjust more easily than adults do. Sunlight can help shift your child’s biological clock during daytime hours, so open the curtains or better yet, get outside for a family walk. As you’re approaching bedtime, do the opposite – dim the lights an hour before bed, use black out blinds or room darkening shades to promote melatonin (the sleepy hormone that the body naturally produces).

Remember, the years of making sure that you have enough fishy crackers and raisins on the plane don’t last forever! So enjoy planning and going on holidays with your family – have an amazing time!

Diane Dauphinais is a Certified Sleep Specialist and owner of Sound Of Sleep Consulting Services in Ottawa, ON. She has had the privilege of helping families in the Ottawa area achieve the rest they seek both for the child and the entire family. Diane is happily married with two wonderful children who love their sleep!

Website: www.soundofsleep.ca

Facebook: www.facebook.com/www.soundofsleep.ca