Simplicity in a Toy Library

Parenting from a place of simplicity is a wonderful philosophy in which to root ourselves and our family. Implementing simplicity into a life that at times feels anything but is a big goal.  To reach our big goals it is best to start with the smallest of steps. Enter the toy library.

What parent of young children doesn’t look around their home from time to time and think their children’s toys and books have taken over? A toy library is a simple organization system that can minimize those mountains of unused and unappreciated toys and books. 

Here are some toy library strategies and tips to get you started:

1) The best place to keep a toy library is in a large bin on a shelf in an out of the way place (closet, basement, garage, etc). It needs to be large enough that it can hold toys and books you have identified as currently unloved and/or neglected by your children. 

2) Types of toys the library will hold will be things such as a gift from grandparents, or a book you feel your child will come back to in time, or maybe a toy that isn’t age appropriate yet.  

3) Toy library items should be those that can quietly disappear without being missed, but are items that you aren’t quite ready to place in the donation pile.

Now, the identification of appropriate toys for the toy library requires a bit of focused attention from us parents. At my house I keep an eye out for what toys are currently fascinating my two children and which ones are collecting dust. Which story books are in rotation at bedtime and which ones are lost under the bed. At the end of each month I rotate those forgotten toys and books into the toy library. 

Attention and practice has honed my skill for identifying toys and books that won’t be missed, so be patient with yourself as you start out.  I feel I’ve been successful when I identify and store away items without my little ones wondering where they went. 

The other huge benefit of the toy library is you get to decide when those out of sight toys re-emerge back into your child’s life. I have pulled toys and books from my children’s library for:

-    long plane rides and car trips;
-    extended waits in doctor’s waiting rooms; and
-    when I need them to play independently so I can get things done. 

Toy library items are usually greeted like beloved old friends when they reappear. The trick to remember is once those library toys re-emerge, another toy that you have identified as falling out of favor with your child goes away. And so the cycle continues. 

Too many toys have potential to cause overwhelm in young children, and too many toy choices may result in them not learning to value what they own. A toy library can move you toward not only stimulating play spaces for your children, but inch you closer to the value of simplicity. A winning combination !

Julianne is the mother of a toddler and a preschooler, a Masters educated Social Worker, and a Certified Positive Parent Educator. Read more about her work at www.parentingcalmlivingconnected.ca 

10 Things You Can Do for Someone Going Through Cancer

When I was diagnosed with Stage 3 breast cancer, my daughter was only 6 years old. It was a difficult time, full of uncertainty, fear, anger, helplessness. I felt overwhelmed and exhausted most of the time, and so did my husband and our young daughter as well.  When cancer hits, it sweeps through the whole family.

After slowly coming to terms with the diagnosis, we began telling family and close friends. And as the news filtered out to our wider community of friends, neighbours, colleagues, and even acquaintances, we found people wanted to help but weren’t always sure what to do or how to ask. In the end, it was simpler and easier for everyone if we just let people know exactly what we needed and how they could help.

So here’s a list of 10 things you can do for someone going through cancer:

1.       Deliver a meal. It doesn’t have to be fancy or made of only organic ingredients. If you are making a meal for your own family, double it up and bring it over. Remember to not only think of the cancer patient but the rest of the family, which may include young children. A batch of pasta sauce that can be frozen for later use is a good option. Here’s a handy and free scheduling tool called the Care Calendar. Family and friends can use this to coordinate meals. http://www.carecalendar.org

2.       Show up on their doorstep with an empty laundry basket. Routine household chores are probably not high on their priority list, but still need to get done sooner or later. Returning a basketful of freshly laundered and folded clothes will be a tremendous help.

3.       Run errands or pick up a few groceries. If you are worried about showing up at the wrong time, have them leave a list in the mailbox that you can pick up in the morning, or pre-arrange a convenient time. If you are doing a run to the pharmacy or grocery store anyway, picking up some extra items is not a big deal.

4.       Provide childcare. If they have young children, invite them over for a play date with your children. If you don’t have kids, or their kids are older, take them on an outing. Going to a movie will be a welcome distraction. Even a sleepover may work if the child is okay with being away from home. The parent(s) may need a break, as young children don’t understand why mommy or daddy is so tired all the time. Or the parents may need some alone time to chat. And the children may need time away from home to have some fun.

5.       Accompany/drive them to appointments and treatments. Having a note-taker during medical appointments is crucial. Doctors pass on a lot of information and use a lot of medical terms, which may not be fully grasped in the moment. Sitting with them during a treatment may be reassuring and will help to pass the time. Even a friendly and familiar face out there in the waiting room can be a source of comfort.

6.       Do exercise, yoga, meditation with them. Any type of activity that is enjoyable and good for their well-being will be welcome. It will help them feel better and gives you both something to focus on besides trying to fill up those awkward gaps in conversation.

7.       Check in with their spouse or caregiver. They are often forgotten in all of this. They are usually doing double duty especially if there are kids involved so they can be physically and emotionally drained.

8.       Don’t be afraid to talk to the kids about it. Adults are often afraid to bring up bad news with kids. They don’t want to upset them but kids are intuitive. They know what’s going on. They will probably appreciate it if you ask how mom or dad or their sibling is doing. They may need someone outside of the family circle to talk to. If you’re unsure about this, check with the parents first.

9.       Just be there and listen. Don’t offer advice (unless specifically asked for) and don’t bring up stories about Aunt Mary who went through the same thing. Everyone’s experience is different. Sit, hold their hand, pass a tissue, give a hug, make a cup of tea, let them be the lead.

10.   Send a card. It will let them know you are aware of what’s going on and you are thinking of them. Emily McDowell’s empathy cards will hit just the right note.

It was truly heartwarming when so many people found ways to help us during my cancer experience. And it wasn’t only family and close friends but distant neighbours, friends of friends, people we know casually. We will always be grateful for the heartfelt support we received during this difficult time. It made the journey that much easier. As The Beatles sang so well, “Oh I get by with a little help from my friends”.

Colleen Kanna is a breast cancer champion and creator of coKANna designs, a line of bamboo knit, Canadian-made clothing for women touched by breast cancer. Please check out her website at www.cokanna.ca.

5 Back to School Tips

by Penny Mayo

It is THAT time of the year again. The time when the evenings get cooler, the days get shorter and we are winding down our summer activities. It is also the time when we are preparing for the transition to back to school. Some parents love the return to routine and the end of camps, while other parents dread the return to making lunches and stressing about making it to school on time. Some kids can’t wait to meet up with their friends and pull out all those new notebooks, while other kids worry about remembering locker combinations and the amount of homework they might receive. Which one are you?

But it really doesn’t matter which one you relate to since there is one uniting factor - that almost everyone has jitters about something as we transition to the new school year.   

How do we curb those first day/week of school jitters for you and your kiddos?

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It is a challenging time for most parents and kids even if it is a time everyone is looking forward to. Here are 5 quick tips to make it through the first week or two.

1.     Keep it very simple!

We’ve all heard how important it is to Keep It Simple. You may be wondering how you can keep it simple when we have no choice but to get the kids to school for the starting bell after being fed, dressed and, hopefully, hair and teeth brushed. But we do have plenty of choice for the hours that we are not at work and school. Just simply keep the expectations for these times low, don’t stress about the chores or the elaborate meals, don’t take on extra commitments and be sure to leave more time to get to places and get things done.

2.     Keep it low key!

Especially for kids and parents who may be nervous or have some anxiety, try to keep it low key. Society and Facebook might make it look like you need to have special first day of school outfits, have a special routine for the first day, have perfect first day of school pictures, have a new school bag and lunch box, etc. Well, the reality is, this is not a true expectation. Your family might work better if you go to school in the clothes you already have in your closet, with the back pack from last year. Save shopping for when the stores are less busy.

3.     Plan ahead!

Planning is hard after a summer of less structured time but the rewards are worth it. During the upcoming long weekend, take the opportunity to cook a few pounds of ground meat, cook some chicken, and bake a couple dozen muffins or protein bars to put in the freezer. In the morning, grab something out of the freezer so you know there is something easy waiting for supper when you get home and some healthy snacks for lunches the next day.

4.     Don’t write a to-do list or make a to-do pile!

If you are anything like me, my house is full of to-do lists and piles of papers that need attention. It only gets worse in the first days and weeks of school when all forms need to be completed NOW! Instead of putting it on the to-do list or the to-do pile – just sit down and fill them out and send them right back to school. Since you are having low key evenings, there is time to just sit down and fill them out.

5.     Allow yourselves to be lazy!

How can we allow ourselves to be lazy when there is so much to do with back to school time? The lazy days of summer makes for a hard transition to the crazy days of fall. If you balance the crazy school and work days in that first week or two with some lazy after dinner times, it will be an easier transition. If you can avoid going out during the evening of the first week of school and instead go for a family bike ride, go to the park or play some video games or board games with your kids, it will really help the transition to when extracurricular activities ramp up. By then you’ll be ready for it since you allowed yourself this calmer transition time.

How are you going to be gentle on yourself and your family during this year’s school start?

Penny Mayo is a parenting coach at Single Parenting for Success

Back to School and Childhood Anxiety

It's back to school again, which means a lot of kids are worried about what the new school year will mean for them in terms of their teacher, friends, homework, etc. But what if these worries are keeping your child up at night? For more than just one night? Is it normal childhood worries or is it anxiety?

A child would much rather be having fun than feeling sick for reasons they don’t understand and no parent likes to see their child so nervous that they can’t sleep for days on end. Some children feel anxious when it comes to public speaking, for others it could be attending a birthday party, and for some just the thought of having to go back to school is enough to make their head hurt.

Anxiety is more than just worry. It is more than just nervous “butterflies”. If your school age child is constantly clingy, cries or suffers from excessive shyness in social situations; has constant worrying or if bellyaches are frequent then your child may be experiencing anxiety. If your child’s regular routine, such as going to school, going over to a friend’s house or participating in activities is affected then your child may be experiencing anxiety. According to Anxiety BC, anxiety affects about 20% of children and adolescents.

If you think your child is experiencing anxiety you may think it is easiest to look online for help, but sometimes something we read online is not enough. Cheryl Grant, MSW, RSW of C&C Counselling Services says it really also comes down to “assessing what's behind it all and the child's beliefs and family dynamics (especially if parents are also dealing with anxiety).”

In addition to seeking professional assistance, there are some books and websites that are informative when it comes to learning more about childhood worries and anxiety. With Cheryl’s help here are some tried and true resources about childhood anxiety:

Books

Wemberley Worried by Kevin Henkes

This storybook is helpful for younger children. Wemberley is a young mouse who worries about everything, but by the end of the book she realizes that she worries about so much that she has no cause for her worry.

This book is great for young kids who tend to worry about every little thing: will my friends still like me, will I have a good time, etc. It lets them know that worry is normal, but that it shouldn’t get in the way from experiencing new things.

The Kissing Hand by Audrey Penn

Told through the story of a mother raccoon comforting her child raccoon by kissing its paw before it leaves for school, The Kissing Hand is a great book for younger children who may have separation anxiety or are anxious about leaving their parents on the first day of daycare or school. The message is that their parents will always be with them – even when they are not physically present.

When My worries get too big! A Relaxation Book for Children who live with Anxiety by Kari Dunn

This book teaches children self-calming techniques, including meditation and yoga positions and has some activities that reading-level children can work through to identify their levels of anxiety.

What To Do When You Worry Too Much by Dawn Huber

This book includes activities and promotes valuable discussions between a parent and their child. If you have trouble discussing or understanding childhood anxiety then this book is a great tool to start the conversation as well as to help children identify and fight their worries in a real way.

The Relaxation & Stress Reduction Workbooks for Kids by Lawrence Shapiro & Robin Sprague

Written by two child therapists, this book contains more than fifty activities kids and parents can do together to help both parents and child replace stressful and anxious feelings with positive feelings. This book includes relaxation techniques and short activities children can do to create a sense of fulfillment and calm. The idea in this workbook is not only for the child to feel calm, but also for the parents to reduce their feelings of stress and overwhelm. 

Websites

7 Ways to Help Anxious Kids

http://lets-explore.net/blog/2010/02/7-ways-to-help-anxious-kids/

Anxiety Disorders Association of Canada - Childhood Anxiety

http://www.anxietycanada.ca/english/childhood.php

Anxiety BC Website (there is a section devoted to parent and child, but they also speak to resources for youth, etc.) 

https://www.anxietybc.com/parenting/parent-child

Anxiety in children is more common than you think and chances are a child in your life is suffering. Children can suffer from a variety of anxiety disorders, some of which are the same as what adults suffer from. Various situations can bring on the intense feelings associated with anxiety – and sometimes it is difficult for the child, let alone their parents to know what those situations are and what they can do to help. If you are concerned that your child may be experiencing anxiety, the first step is to talk to be supportive and contact your family doctor about getting assistance from a mental health professional. Rest assured that children can overcome anxiety with the right tools and support.

Talking to Our Children About Racism & Diversity

By Salina

On a recent trip to get my 5 year-old daughter her first pair of glasses, we came away with a little something we didn’t ask for - something which has undoubtedly left an imprint on my 5 and 7 year-old children’s self-image and identity. Something which has happened before, many times, and which will likely happen again. 

One of the employees took a good look at my brown-skinned, curly-haired children, next to my blond hair and pale skin, and decided it was her right to know exactly how this happened.

She blurted out “Oh, they are so beautiful! What is their background?” as if we were looking at a pair of pedigree dogs.

I wish I could say this was the first such experience for my children, but it was not. The relentless and pointless questions we receive imprint themselves on the very fabric of my children’s identities. These experiences tell my children that they must be different; worthy of comment after comment. White kids with white parents don’t get asked about their background, they don’t receive endless comments about how difficult it must be to manage their hair, or that their father must be “dark,” or assumptions that they are not from Canada. What makes people feel they have the right to say such things to and about my children?

I know that most people don’t mean to cause harm with their ignorant questions and comments, but the result is the same, intended or not. The result is that my children feel different, singled out. The next time you feel yourself burning with curiosity about someone’s ethnic background, I suggest you stop and ask yourself this : How would you feel if you were asked to explain your very existence to complete strangers on a daily basis, just to satisfy their curiosity?

That said, I'm not arguing that we should be colour blind (or practice what we call "whitewashing" - ignoring the existence of racism and our own role in perpetuating social injustice.) In fact, most children are curious and open about differences between people. I believe it's up to parents to open the line of communication on racial diversity without making assumptions or asking intrusive questions, so that they don’t grow up to be the eyeglass store employee in the above incident.

So how can we teach our kids to navigate our racially diverse society?

We need to teach kids to talk about race and culture in a positive way, rather than avoiding it like it’s a dirty little secret. If a friend has brown skin, it’s okay to describe him that way. Kids notice these things. My children often point out the colour of people’s skin and they are certainly aware that they have brown skin. If everybody avoided mentioning this fact around them, they would come to regard it as something shameful, something so bad that we don’t even talk about it. 

• Help children understand race by normalizing it with exposure and lots of discussion; talk about race in a factual way, not an exotic way. 
• Read books with as much diversity represented as possible 
• Challenge and discuss stereotypes you and your children encounter in the media and elsewhere
• Have dolls of a variety of ethnic backgrounds
• Take your children to some of the many festivals and celebrations put on by various cultural communities within Ottawa
• Make friends outside of your racial group whenever the opportunity arises 
• Avoid making assumptions about people based on appearance
• Teach kids the truth about Canada - which is that unless you are First Nations, your ancestors were immigrants at some point; this country does not belong to one group more than another
• Teach your children to look at the world with an open mind and to treat others as they would like to be treated

We have enormous power as parents to shape the next generation; let’s use our power to create a better future for all of our children.

Salina Sunderland is the mother of three children ranging in age from 6 to 21.  She is also a private home daycare provider and cares for five additional children on a daily basis.  She is passionate about celebrating diversity, challenging stereotypes, and helping children build a strong foundation of respect and understanding. You can contact her at kangaroospouch@hotmail.com or check out her daycare website