Let's take better care of our village

There are no shortage of articles out there about the loss of our parenting “village.” How with the advent of the global economy and pervasive technology, we have been given the opportunity to venture far and wide across this country and world, and yet, we seem ever further away from the people we need the most - our parents, the aunties, uncles, cousins; the people who USED to help us raise our children.

Instead we are left with our singular homes, shut away even from neighbours who could lend a helping hand. Many of us have parents who live on the other side of the country because we left for the jobs, and once settled, we don’t return.

What I have discovered recently is that although the traditional village has disappeared, a new village has sprung up in its place. This village is made up of friends - our closest bosom buddies, and the acquaintances we see at the bus stop every morning. Maybe it’s the families you see at church or your child’s hockey games, or the online groups where you spill your heart to virtual friends you’ve never met. This is our village, and it is good and precious.

In our fast-paced and distracted world, it can be all too easy to turn our back on our village. We don’t do this intentionally, but life has a way of taking over. We get caught up in our daily dramas of school, work, appointments, activities and LIFE, and we can’t see when someone is struggling. In this way, we are failing our modern village and when it’s our turn for support, who will we turn to?

Recently I’ve been reflecting on how I can better support my village, from my closest family and friends to the people I know just by name. Sometimes that negative voice in our heads can tell us “I don’t have time” or “we’re not that close,” but when we make small acts of kindness, we find ourselves on the receiving end of love and support when WE need it.

Here are a few ways I’m trying to build my village:

Buy Nothing Groups

Joining my local Buy Nothing group has been a huge positive in my life. I have gotten to know several neighbours better, and we have helped each other out with gifts of meals, the elusive cup of sugar or 1 egg for our recipe, or other items such as used clothing (amazing for growing kids!!) Although these people may not become your best friends, it will certainly give you the sense that you are surrounded by caring neighbours ready to lend a hand.

Foooood

I get it - you are crazy busy, and it’s hard to find time to see your village in person. But in my mind, there’s always time to offer food. Maybe it’s some baking, or a big stew, or maybe you don’t bake/cook and just want to pick up some ready-made meals from the grocery store. In times of stress, supplying food to our village peeps can go a long way in showing support.

Checking in

Weeks and months will go by when I suddenly realize I haven’t spoken to any of my closest friends. In high school and my twenties, I would spend hours on the phone with my mom and my friends. I could communicate my daily worries, lend an ear when needed, or just have a really good laugh. With our busy lives, long, lazy phone convos may no longer be possible. Instead, take the time to quickly check in every couple of weeks.

Calling someone

If you’re anything like me (introverted and highly anxious) phone calling will set your palms sweating and your heart racing. Here’s the thing though: we’re actually losing the ability to relate well to others by conducting all of our lives online. We don’t get to connect on a deeper level with people when meaningful conversations are carried out over email or text. Do yourself and your heart a favour and call a real person - even if you try to manage one phone call per week!

Volunteering

Find out who in your local village could use some help, and then provide that help by volunteering your time. As I’ve mentioned above, sometimes we don’t have time - so maybe your support can be less time consuming. Perhaps you are an expert or specially trained in something, and can lend a hand without even leaving your house! (e.g. editing someone’s homework/school papers, fixing someone’s bike etc.) Let’s get out of the traditional mindset of volunteering as a boring job you need to do for your resume, and more as a way for you to build up your village.

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What I’ve come to realize is that if I don’t have time for my village, I don’t have my priorities straight. I’m putting non-essential tasks and “things” above the needs of my support network, and in turn, I end up feeling more anxious and isolated.

Giving more of ourselves can seem scary when pop culture wants us to focus on ME ME ME (if I have to read another article about self-care I will scream!) I’m not arguing that taking care of ourselves is not relevant - especially when it’s our own suffering we need to deal with. But if we’re regularly putting ourselves first without too much thought to our village, we may wonder why we have no one to turn to when we’re in the hot seat. In this big ol’ scary world, we can’t afford to turn our back on others.

What are the ways you take care of your village?

Taboo Talk: of periods and pain and endometriosis

One day in May, I was suddenly in the worst pain of my life. Pain that far outranked giving birth (possibly because it wasn’t stopping, not because the intensity was that much greater than that of a contraction) and the tooth infection I previously had in top spot for Worst Pain Ever.

Turns out I had a 6 cm cyst called an endometrioma on one ovary, and a 7 cm endometrioma on the other ovary, and a 5cm fibroid in my uterus. So basically… all kinds of things growing in there that shouldn’t be, probably causing all my pain. Also, I have endometriosis.

Endometriosis is tissue which somewhat resembles the endometrium lining the inside of the uterus, but which is found outside the uterus where it doesn't belong. The chief symptom is pain. Symptomatic endometriosis affects approximately 5% - 10% of women, although up to 40% of asymptomatic women may harbor the disease, regardless of the indication for surgery. This makes endometriosis one of the most common human diseases on the face of the earth. ~ endopaedia

I have endometriosis, and likely always have. I realized going through this process a few really important things about women’s health that made me want to write about it here on Kids in the Capital (because I bet I’m not the only mom who needs to learn more about this!)

1) Pain isn’t “normal”

The pain I’ve had from my periods from a young age was a sign of the disease. My whole life I was told it was normal to have pain, and to just take lots of advil/naproxen or go on the birth control pill. No doctor I talked to thought it was a big deal - not because they were cruel, but because they were also taught to think it was normal. It’s not. If you have this level of pain every month, talk to your doctor about it again and ask for a referral to a doctor that can help you figure it out.

2) Periods aren’t gross and we need to talk about them more

People don’t talk about things like period pain and endometriosis and fibroids - we’ve been taught it’s gross (seriously, how many movies or shows use talking about your period as the number one way for a woman to get a man to just let her do whatever she wants or get out of class with no questions?!)

Our silence means that we don’t know what other people are going through and we aren’t normalizing this stuff. Instead we’re all living in our own little bubbles, unsure of what’s what - what is ok and what isn’t?

3) We need more doctors

There aren’t enough doctors who understand endometriosis! Doctors aren’t learning about this disease, even though a huge percentage of the population is impacted. This means they don’t ask the right questions and they offer bad advice. It also means that the wait time for the doctors that DO know what to do is exceptionally long. I’ve had to do a LOT of my own research to make sure that I get the right treatment and learn to manage what has become daily and unending pain for me.

4) We need to advocate for ourselves

Most of us have been brought up to believe that doctors know best and that we need to go to them to find out what to do. This really isn’t in our best interest. The more we know, the more empowered we are to make sure we have the best care. If I hadn’t done my own research I would be heading down entirely the wrong path to deal with my endometriosis.

Here are a few resources (Facebook groups) if you’re interested in learning more or think you have endometriosis:

Nancy’s Nook - this Facebook group is all about education (not conversation). There are so many incredible resources in this group, as well as a list of doctors internationally that have been vetted who really know how to deal with endometriosis.

The Endometriosis Network Canada - for conversations and resources that are specifically Canadian, this is a good group. They also have a list of specialists they recommend that is more extensive in terms of Canadian doctors than the list in Nancy’s Nook.

Ottawa Endometriosis Support Group - here’s a local Facebook group, which can be great for talking about our local doctors and what to expect.

Endometropolis - What I like about this group is that it is more conversation based than Nancy’s Nook and that there are some doctors who take part in the conversations.

I wanted to ask a few other women I know who have endometriosis what they wish more people knew about the disease or what they wish they’d known. Below you’ll read what they had to share. If you too have anything to add or share, we’d love to hear from you in the comments!

Chantal Sarkisian is a fashion blogger here in Ottawa who has endometriosis and has been sharing a lot about her journey on her blog and in the media so that more people understand what endometriosis is all about. She shared the following thoughts and tips with us.:

Endometriosis is a complex, under-researched and lifelong illness that affects so many women around the world. If I have to sum up my advice it would be:

Awareness- If you have a lot of menstrual pain and flow that is debilitating, that’s a warning sign. This is the beginning of your long and hard journey with endo.

Help- Find a doctor that is willing to listen and learn about endometriosis. Better yet, find a Gynecologist who specializes in it (ex: Dr. Singh in Ottawa is a world leader in endo!)

Treatment- Seek hormonal therapy that works for your body as soon as you can, to preserve the health of your ovaries and uterus if you want children.

Live- Manage your pain accordingly and try to live a normal life. A healthy diet and exercise can help manage your symptoms.

Education- Be a champion for other women and share your stories so they can learn from you. Make others understand that the emotional and physical pain is real, and it is permanent.

Support- Raise funds for research, support the endo community and give back!

Misty Pratt is one of our Community Managers for Kids in the Capital and was diagnosed with endometriosis several years ago.

It took about six years for someone to tell me I had endometriosis. I remember the doctor saying "has anyone ever told you this before?" and I just stared at her in shock. That was my first clue that our medical system has absolutely no idea how to treat women with period problems.

Misty shared with us some of the following tips:

1) Don’t ignore problems with your cycle - if you notice a shift in your cycle (e.g. shortening or lengthening cycles) or problems such as excessive pain or intermenstrual bleeding make sure to get seen by your healthcare provider.

2) However, because most family doctors don’t have a lot of knowledge of the disease, the first line of treatment is usually hormonal birth control. This may be fine for some women, but it’s not fine for those of us who experience migraines (especially migraines with auras - stroke risk!!) Make sure to ask for a referral to an OBGYN (and if things are really bad, make sure it’s an OBGYN who’s an expert in endometriosis!) There are surgical treatments, although the effectiveness of those options is sometimes questionable and may not be appropriate for all cases.

3) BE GENTLE WITH YOURSELF. Realize that your period may be a bit of a different experience from other women’s periods. It may mean you miss work once in a while. It may mean that you can’t do your favourite activities, such as running or swimming, because your flow is just too heavy. It may mean that you lie in bed crying every month while your family tiptoes around you and wonders when crazy mom will go away, and normal mom will come back. Do the self-care, even when it feels like you’re falling behind.

4) Don’t be afraid to talk about it. Sometimes I just have to tell people that it’s been a bad month, and I can’t do X, Y, or Z thing that I promised I would do. I usually feel much more comfortable saying this stuff to other women, but I’m hoping with time I will feel more comfortable talking about these things with men as well. Periods and period problems should NOT be taboo, and I’m making every effort to teach my girls that it’s OK to talk about PMS, flow, blood, menstrual products, and pain.

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When we think we’re going through challenges alone, it can make for an isolating experience. It also puts as at a disadvantage, as we typically don’t receive the care we need. By talking to other women (and men too!) we can start to open the discussion, share resources and provide emotional support. Endometriosis can be a hard pill to swallow, but we don’t have to suffer alone.

We’d love to hear YOUR story with endometriosis, as well as your own tips and resources. Leave a comment below, or send us an email: kidsinthecapital@gmail.com

Family Travel: Boston, Massachusetts

KITC would like to welcome back, guest blogger, Stephen Johnson. Stephen Johnson is an Ottawa writer who loves to write about family travel.  During the summer, you will most likely find him and his family at a local fair or festival.  During the winter, a beach in Mexico is a likely bet.  

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Boston is one of the best family destinations we have ever visited.  Have a history buff in your family? Boston was the cradle of the American Revolution and has all the historic sites to prove it.   Is your son/daughter a budding intellectual? A tour of Harvard University and MIT will be right up their alley. Just want to eat great seafood.   Boston is located right on the Atlantic Ocean and has several lobster shacks that are visited by both locals and tourists.

Here is our family’s comprehensive but far from complete guide on what to see, where to stay and where to eat in Boston.  

John F. Kennedy Presidential Library and Museum - I have always been a political junkie and amateur historian.  That is why the JFK Library and Museum was top of the list for me when we visited Boston.  The museum, as one would expect, chronicles the life and presidency of JFK.   

A visitor to the museum first starts with an excellent overview video which JFK himself narrates.  The narration is taken from excerpts of radio and television interviews.  

After the video, there are numerous fascinating exhibits including the 1960 election versus Richard Nixon, the Cuban missile crisis and the U.S space program.  The assasination of Kennedy is only lightly touched upon as the museum is meant to be a celebration of his life and legacy.   

The architecture of the building is also stunning as a full glass atrium provides outstanding views of the Boston Harbor and the Atlantic Ocean.

Our son, David, loved the museum as there are many interactive features.  It might be best visited by older children as the young ones may not find it that interesting.  

The museum is not right on the subway line but there is a free connector bus from the subway to the museum that runs every twenty minutes.  

Boston Tea Party Ship and Museum - It would be remiss to visit Boston without taking in at least one of the historical sites of the American Revolution.  Without getting into deep American history, the throwing of tea into the Boston Harbor by the colonists against the British was one of the pivotal events that led to the start of the American Revolution.  

Set on a replica ship, the attraction does a great job of recreating the events of the Boston Tea Party.   Period actors lead visitors through everything from the town hall to actually throwing crates into the Boston Harbour.  David loved repeatedly throwing the crates into the harbour and then using the ropes to bring them back up.  

It should be noted this was not the original ship or location of the Boston Tea Party.  The ship is an accurate replica and the location is the closest they could find to the original.  

There are numerous other Revolutionary War sights in Boston but perhaps few as interactive.  

Skywalk Observatory - My wife, Sandy, said her favourite attraction in Boston was the Skywalk Observatory.  It is easy to understand why. Set on the 50th Floor of the Prudential Center building, the Skywalk offers a 360-degree view of Boston.    

A person is provided with an audio guide which adds a lot to the visitor experience.    The audio guide goes into detail about the political and social history of the city. There were a children’s audio guide and one for adults making it perfect for all ages.

The Skywalk had much more to offer than just stunning views.  There were various exhibits about Boston including the Dreams of Freedom museum which highlighted the positive effects immigration and diversity has had on the city.   

I also enjoyed the exhibit highlighting Boston's sports history.  As a Canadian, Bobby Orr scoring the 1970 winning goal in the Stanley Cup struck a particular chord.  

We ended our time at Skywalk watching the two excellent videos in their theatre.  The first video did a flyover of the major attractions in Boston and the second gave an overview of the history of Boston from an immigrant’s perspective.  

Skywalk is located downtown thus is easily accessible by transit and a short walking distance to other attractions.  

Old Town Trolley Tours and Ghost and Gravestones Tour -  I feel one of the best ways to see any city is to take a hop-on hop-off trolley tour.  One of the best ones we have ever taken was the Old Town Trolley Tour in Boston. The tour covers eighteen different stops and is about two hours in length.  Both of our guides were very entertaining and informed. I was impressed the guides were able to negotiate the busy Boston streets while still providing commentary.  

The tour covers various points in the city but it is well-worth starting at the beginning to get the full experience.  

The trolley company also offers an evening Ghosts and Gravestones tour which examines the spookier side of Boston.  The tour started out with our guide donning a madman style costume that could have won best dressed at any Halloween party.  Our first stop was an old graveyard in Boston’s north end. Our guide told a number of spooky stories but also provided historical context to his commentary.   We toured several other spots with our final destination being the Granary Burying ground. This cemetery is one of the oldest in the United States and includes the gravestone of Paul Revere.  There was a suitably bone-chilling scare near the end which I will not give away.  

This attraction was very entertaining but may not be the most suitable for young children.  

Harvard and MIT walking tours -  There are perhaps no other learning institutions more iconic in North America than Harvard and MIT.    We wanted to visit both places and thought the student-led Trademark Tours was the perfect option.

We met our Harvard student guide, Emily, at Harvard Square.  Emily was entering her final year of studies. She immediately told us several amusing stories and gave us an insider’s perspective on being a student at Harvard.  We saw several famous spots including the John Harvard statue. She also showed us the dormitory where Facebook founder, Mark Zuckerberg lived.  

We wrapped up our tour at Harvard and hopped on the subway to MIT.  We met our guide, Luis, who had just completed his degree in Aerospace Engineering.  Luis filled us in on the history of MIT and some of the scientific breakthroughs that have been developed at MIT.  He also told us some of the pranks MIT students have pulled over the years including putting a reconstructed police car on top of a building.  Working siren and everything!

Where to eat - There is no denying that Boston is an expensive city.  We did find a few restaurants at a decent price and tasty food. My son’s favourite restaurant was Spyce.  He loved it because the salad bowls were largely made by robots with staff only adding the final touches.  I frankly thought it was going to be a gimmick but the food was delicious and affordable. Another favourite for the whole family was Joe’s American Bar and Grill.  The food was elevated pub food and nothing could beat the location along the water.  

It is also worth a trip to the north end where there is an abundance of Italian eateries.  We loved the pastry at both Mike’s and Modern Pastry.

Where to Stay - Again, Boston is not a cheap city.  We chose to stay out in the suburbs and take the commuter train every day.  We bought two seven day paper Charlie Cards for about $44.00.  It gave us unlimited subway rides, limited ferry transit and limited commuter train access.  It is well worth the price if you are planning to use public transit.  

For more information about Boston, visit, www.bostonusa.com.

Disclosure: Stephen was comped for the attractions for the purposes of this review, but all views are his own.

Family Travel: Loon Mountain, New Hampshire, USA

KITC would like to welcome back, guest blogger, Stephen Johnson. Stephen Johnson is an Ottawa writer who loves to write about family travel.  During the summer, you will most likely find him and his family at a local fair or festival.  During the winter, a beach in Mexico is a likely bet.  

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Our family thinks one of the keys to a great family vacation is to make frequent stops along the route.  Especially if it is to see fun attractions.  Loon Mountain Resort, located in the White Mountains of New Hampshire fit the bill.  

We arrived at Loon Mountain after being on the highway for two hours.  I read online that the resort had the longest scenic gondola ride in New Hampshire and also had ziplining.  Perfect for our son, David.  

We checked into the adventure centre and opted for the full adventure package so we could try all the activities.  Our first destination had to be the gondola. Heights and I have a mixed relationship so I was somewhat tentative to take the gondola.   My fears were quickly dispelled as we were treated to a smooth ride and breathtaking vistas.  

It took us about ten minutes to reach the summit.   We decided to go check out the glacial caves trail where a person has a chance to explore the caves.   While on the glacial cave trail, we first came across the outdoor amphitheatre. The amphitheatre was located on the sloped mountainside with seating providing an amazing view of the surrounding valley.  I could not imagine a more stunning location for any type of event.  

We continued along the trail and came to our first cave.  The space to explore the cave was tight which added to the challenge and fun.  Eleven-year old David fared well crawling in-between the spaces with relative ease.  My wife, Sandy, also proved quite capable. I used the excuse that I was wearing sandals thus did not have proper footwear!  David and Sandy explored three or four more caves with David completing the entire circuit.  

It was now time for lunch so we decided to try the summit cafe.   I was frankly expecting so-so food with outrageous prices because the view was so spectacular.  Instead, we were treated to tasty food at a reasonable price with the views included for good measure.  

After lunch, we took the gondola back down the mountain and headed to the adventure centre.  The centre serves as a basecamp for all activities at the foot of the mountain. David first wanted to try the ziplining.    He got suited up and zipped across an idyllic mountain stream. Sometimes, I wonder where David got his genes for adventure. I enjoy mild pursuits like hiking and biking but ziplining is not top of my list.   

Once done the ziplining, we were almost done for the day.  David wanted to do one last activity, the rock-climbing wall.  He strapped into the harness and was ready to climb away. He reached the top of the climbing wall and rang a bell at the top to signify his achievement.  

It was now sadly time to go and head back to Ottawa.   We did not have a chance to check out some of the other activities including the aerial forest adventure park and mountain biking.  Next time, we would like to extend our stay in the White Mountains as there are many outdoor activities to experience.  

If you go - Loon Mountain Resort is about a five hour drive from Ottawa.   It would be advised to book accommodations ahead of time as the area is a very popular tourist destination all seasons.  

For more information about Loon Mountain Resort, visit, www.loonmtn.com.  

Disclosure: Stephen received free passes for the purposes of this review, but all views are his own.

Recipe: Kid-Approved Frozen Fruit Smoothie

Smoothies are a delicious and easy way to get in a healthy dose of fruits (and vegetables!) into your diet. My eleven year old daughter loves smoothies and insisted we share one of her favourite recipes that she began making herself (with a little supervision) a few years ago. She loves smoothies as part of her morning breakfast and sometimes makes enough for several smoothies to either share or save for later. You can also freeze the blended mix into popsicle moulds for a tasty frozen treat! The below is her recipe as written by her and she also took the pictures. :)

Kid-Approved Frozen Fruit Smoothie

The main ingredient is frozen fruit! We buy whatever is on sale that week, but mango is always in the recipe because it tastes the best.

Blend together:

• 1 avocado (or 1 medium banana) - this makes the smoothie creamy

• 1 cup frozen berries

• 1/2 cup frozen mango!

• 1/4 cup of vanilla or your favourite yogurt (or one of the small lunch containers)

• 1 teaspoon honey

• 1 cup of water or milk (or more depending on how much frozen fruit you used - sometimes I put in too much and it jams the blender)

My mom sometimes adds some spinach or kale. I don’t.

Blend all ingredient until smooth then pour into a big cup and enjoy! Or if you made too much put it in the fridge for later. Yum!