If your kids are like mine, you’ve probably heard the words “that’s not fair” more times than you can count. As a mom, I try really hard to make sure that things between my two girls are equal. This includes portion size, one-on-one time, and even the number of pieces of new clothing they get but throughout the course of a day, there are so many things shared, both emotionally and physically, it’s impossible to be fair all the time.
There are times when I find that trying to treat my kids equally is a little like trying to stay on top of the water: the harder I try, the deeper I sink. So one lesson that I try to teach my girls is that fairness doesn’t always mean equal or the same. In reality, they are both so different that it really is impossible to treat them both exactly the same anyway. I mean, as adults, do we really treat everyone the same? We interact, communicate and react to individual personalities and temperaments. Everyone is different, including my children.
I promise I really try not to compare them to each other. I know that they both have different temperaments and they both respond to discipline differently. I try hard to pay attention to each of my girls for all their accomplishments and console their feelings when they fall short. I’m their cheerleader (equally) and I’ve even come up with a solution for the “she got more than me” conundrum (basically, one girls pours or scoops and the other chooses first).
The hardest part for me is when they accuse me of favouritism. I’m sure you’ve all been in this bind before. As frustrating as it is, I try to take a deep breath and rather than getting into a debate over who is more loved, I remind them that they are each irreplaceable. And while they may think that I am not always be fair, the truth is that I really do love them equally. Really.
How do you respond when one child accuses you of loving their sibling more?